Not Another Fanfiction
by Kryzanna
Summary: "WHAT THE HELL IS FANFICTION?" Naruto and some of our favourite characters are about to find out the hard way when they get sucked from the ninja world into a collection of fanfics and are forced to play out cliche after cliche; learn about 'lemons', and discover that maybe yaoi isn't so bad. . . . SasuNaru KisaIta HidaDei NejiGaa LEMON WARNING FOR LATER CHAPTERS
1. Chapter 1

**I've been wanting to write something like this for a while, so I thought I might give it a shot. It's pretty crack-y, so don't take it too seriously, please! **

**Pretty much, this is the story of some of the characters and their discovery of yaoi fanfics about themselves. In later chapters I shall explore some of the common types of fanfictions and reactions involved. I don't want to offend anyone; there's a bit of light-hearted bashing of certain things, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy reading them! **

**I love you guys; if you're offended, that wasn't my intention at all. Any references made that resemble fanfics other than my own are purely coincidental, and I do not own songs, items, movies etc that may be mentioned. **

**Most of all, I don't own Naruto, and yes, there will be yaoi lemons in future chapters.  
If you feel suitably warned; read on :D**

* * *

There was a sudden, ear-splitting shriek from somewhere in the Akatsuki hideout, but Pein was the only one who bothered to look up from whatever he was doing as Tobi streaked into the room, looking as distressed as one could while wearing a mask. Pein sighed, running a hand down his face in exasperation as he noticed that the rest of his so-called criminal organisation remained immersed in their bloody technology. Deidara was playing Candy Crush; Itachi was no doubt playing Farmville on Facebook; Kakuzu was probably setting up some credit card scam on his laptop…and Kisame was watching some ridiculous show to do with "Shark Week".

"_Deidara_!" Tobi wailed in anguish, "Why did you let Sasori do those naughty things to you?" Deidara, who had been sitting impatiently in front of his phone, waiting for his next life to show up, stared at his idiot partner; unsure of what on earth he was talking about.

"What the hell are you talking about, Tobi?" he snapped irritably.

" –Tobi was googling Deidara because I thought it would be funny," Tobi explained, a small whimper in his voice, "And I found a website talking about your relationship with Sasori…and…" He made a strange, strangled noise and spun his laptop around to show Deidara; cringing as he did so. There was silence for a moment, and Pein watched Deidara's eyes widen in absolute horror before he gave a wild, disgusted cry.

"What the fuck?" he shouted, flinging the laptop across the room so hard that it hit one of the walls and smashed.

" –You're paying for that," Kakuzu snapped with a dark glare.

" –That did _not_ happen, yeah!" Deidara crowed angrily, his face going incredibly red and his entire body shaking, "I did _not_ have sex with Sasori! That is _disgusting_!"

"…Sex with Sasori, what?" Konan remarked, looking up from her book across the room. Deidara tried to speak again, looking like he was trying to hold down vomit.

"What kinds of things are on the internet?" He exclaimed hotly, "I just read a fucking _graphic_ paragraph about me and Sasori…_fucking_ in an elevator!" Hidan burst out laughing from across the other side of the room on his tablet; finding Deidara's tomato-red face completely hilarious.

"Fucking hell; that is fucking _gold_!" the Jashinist crowed, immediately opening up a search tab, "Damn it; this I gotta see…"

"I advise you to _not_ google image yourself," Konan remarked, before returning to her book. That was, of course, the cue for everyone in the room to automatically open a new tab and type their name into google images. Pein sighed heavily again.

"…Get the internet, you said," he muttered to himself, glaring at Konan, "We'll be more productive, you said…"

"OH FUCKING HELL NO; WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT?" Hidan roared explosively, leaping to his feet and storming over to his partner, "What the _fuck_ is "KAKUHIDA"?" There was silence for another moment before Itachi replied.

"…According to this "Urban Dictionary", it's the name given to you and Kakuzu as a couple in fanfiction, where Kakuzu plays the dominant role –" The Uchiha replied stonily.

"LIKE HELL!" Hidan roared, scrolling down the page, "KAKUZU, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GET TO BE ON TOP?"

"…_That's_ what your problem is?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes and logged off his computer, "I'm out of here; I'm too old for this shit…"

"ARE YOU NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY DISTURBED THAT THERE ARE PICTURES ON THE INTERNET OF US WITH YOUR DICK UP MY ASS?" Hidan shouted aggressively, "AND WHAT THE _HELL_ IS 'FANFICTION'?"

* * *

In a small, far off town, Suigetsu Hozuki was wondering much the same thing. He'd had to borrow Karin's laptop to check his emails since Juugo had gone and broken his, and by chance he'd accidentally clicked onto her internet history.

"…What the hell?" he raised an eyebrow and decided that clicking on the webpage could do no harm. It began loading, "…What's SuiSasu?" His mouth dropped open as he read the summary at the top of the page, "'Sasuke Uchiha has always been obsessed with control; that was, until he met Suigetsu; a man who wouldn't bow to his will. Instead, he shows the Uchiha how much fun losing control can be'. Holy shit." Despite his better judgement, Suigetsu kept on reading down the page; his eyes widening and a churning feeling growing in his stomach.

"I put my fingers up _where_?" He suddenly exploded with a shudder, cringing backwards and gagging, "Fuck! Karin, what the _fuck_ is this fanfiction shit? Why are you reading this?" He'd never found himself wanting to sear something from his mind as much as he did now, with a graphic mental image of himself with his fingers up Sasuke Uchiha's ass. Cringing inwardly, he slid back to the computer with a wince, finding that there was a search bar at the top.

Out of impulse, he typed "Sasuke Uchiha". As hundreds of pages of results flashed before his eyes, he couldn't help but gulp in horror. There was a sudden noise from the doorway behind him.

"…What was all the yelling about?" Sasuke's emotionless voice inquired flatly. Suigetsu turned slowly, pure horror written all over his face.

"…I think you're going to want to see this…" he remarked, in a tone that Sasuke decided meant that he was _not_ going to want to see this. However, his interest had been somewhat piqued by Suigetsu's strangled tone, so he headed over to the computer.

* * *

Pein sighed. The entire living room was tense and angry, and had been for about a week now. Ever since Tobi had discovered that first atrocious work depicting Sasori and Deidara, everyone in the Akatsuki had been obsessed with this 'fanfiction' –well, apart from he, Konan and Zetsu. Kakuzu didn't seem too bothered either, but Hidan was definitely kicking up enough fuss for the both of them. It made him absolutely livid (not that Hidan was calm to begin with) but he could also apparently not get enough of it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Hidan was currently ranting, looking about ready to toss his tablet across the room, "Another fucking story where Kakuzu ends up fucking tentacle-raping me while I fucking long for him to love me! What the _fuck_ is this? Do these people know nothing about me?"

"Why are you complaining?" Itachi growled in a low tone, obviously scrolling through a fanfiction about himself, "I seem to always end up raping Sasuke! He's my little brother; we are literally very related! I do _not_ harbour non-platonic feelings towards him."

"At least you get to be on top sometimes, yeah," Deidara snapped irritably, obviously his pride having been quite wounded, "I'm literally everyone's bitch. _Everyone's_! Sometimes more than one at a time! And I am a _man_! Fuck, they can't even get my _gender_ right, yeah!"

"You two both get okay pairings though," Itachi snorted crossly, "Mine are awful."

"…Words hurt, Itachi…" Kisame grumbled, scanning the website, "…I don't know whether to feel good or bad that there are so few about me…"

"It's a _good_ thing!" Deidara, Itachi and Hidan snapped back at him (though Deidara's and Hidan's responses included a trifle more swearing.)

"I don't even get to be on top in the ones with _Tobi_, yeah," Deidara growled angrily, "…And he's a _moron_!" he curled his face up in disgust, "…Dammit, why do they always make me so bloody _girly_?"

"You do look like a fucking chick," Hidan remarked with a snigger.

"…Why is Sasuke always getting sexually abused?" Itachi inquired flatly, "I know Orochimaru wasn't a nice guy, but he's not a paedophile…"

"Why are we all fucking gay?" Hidan complained angrily, "And who's this 'Sakura' chick I keep sometimes being fucking paired with?"

"That's a damn good question," Itachi admitted with a frown, "…And this guy called 'Neji' –are they even real people?"

"…At least you guys sometimes get paired with girls, yeah…" Deidara grumbled.

" –If you don't like them, why do you keep reading them?" Pein finally had to sigh in exasperation. These complaints about fake sexual situations between all of them were getting on his nerves. Konan seemed to be able to ignore them pretty well; he didn't know how she did it.

"I don't even fucking know," Hidan muttered crossly, clicking into a new one, "Hey fucking hell, Deidara; this one's about me and you –_fuck yeah, I get to be fucking on top for once_!"

"You would _not_ top me, yeah," Deidara snapped hotly; taking that as a challenge.

"Shut up Deidara, everyone tops you," Kisame snorted, and Hidan burst out into cackles and even Itachi had to smirk a little. Pein groaned.

"This is all your fault, you know," he mentioned to Konan.

"I'm sure it's just a phase," she assured him with a reassuring smile before returning to her book.

"I sure hope so," Pein muttered.

" –_Shut up, Kisame, yeah; no one wants to have sex with you_!" 

* * *

Fanfiction was slowly taking the ninja world by storm. Everyone in Konoha was talking about it; apart from one Naruto Uzumaki, who had been too busy training to worry about the gossip that seemed to be flying all over the place. He'd heard whispers of this terrible trend on the internet and had vaguely heard stories. He knew that Temari had apparently flown off the handle at Shikamaru for no reason other than there were stories about him and Ino, or him and that Tayuya girl –who was actually like three years dead…

He'd stayed away from it. Though he was curious about what had everyone whispering and giggling, it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. More and more recently though, he was beginning to wonder what had all the girls in giggles, and the boys looking pretty annoyed. He'd tried to broach the subject once or twice with Neji, but the Hyuuga had just gone a bit red in the face and said that he didn't want to talk about it. A bit later on, he was seen to punch Kiba in the face for no good reason.

Actually, all the guys seemed to be acting a bit different, come to think of it. Neji and Lee didn't train together as much these days; Shino and Kiba always stayed a good few metres apart; and Neji seemed to always look offended whenever Shikamaru appeared. Even Iruka was looking a bit more flustered than usual.

The only guys that didn't really seem bothered were Kakashi and Gaara. Kakashi seemed to find the whole situation very amusing; and Naruto had the feeling that Gaara didn't really know what was going on either. Temari had apparently forbidden him from searching fanfiction when she'd discovered it.

Sometimes Naruto would hear Sasuke's name whispered amongst the giggling girls, and that just made him want to know even more.

Arriving home from training, he sighed with relief, kicking off his shoes and heading over to see if he had any new emails. Before he clicked into his inbox, curiosity finally got the better of him, and he typed in the fanfiction website that everyone had apparently been using, and then searched his name.

What he saw made his blood run cold.

He sat there staring for so long that he barely acknowledged that someone had knocked and was now inside his room. It was only when a pale hand tapped him on the shoulder that he snapped out of it.

"Have you seen this?" he immediately exclaimed to Gaara in astonishment. Gaara's blank eyes slid across to the screen.

"Fanfiction?" the Kazekage inquired, "…Temari hasn't let me see it…"

"I can understand why!" Naruto cried, "Look; there's just _hundreds_ of things…written about…me and Sasuke! Like what even is this?" He clicked on one and started scanning through it, cringing and covering his eyes dramatically, "We're _kissing_? Who writes this sort of stuff and posts it on the internet? We're two guys! And he's just my friend!" Gaara pushed past Naruto with a small frown and typed his own name into the search bar.

"…I see why Temari may have warned me against this," he remarked flatly, and Naruto was forced to peer through his hands. His mouth fell open in shock.

"…What is 'sandcest'?" he exploded, "What in the…"

The next half hour consisted of the two of them just sitting on Naruto's floor; scrolling through stories upon stories featuring themselves with various friends –and some of their enemies.

" –Why do I keep getting paired with Hinata?" Naruto exclaimed, rubbing his head in confusion, "And why is Sasuke always the angsty emo with the troubled childhood –oh, wait…"

"What is a 'lemon'?" Gaara frowned. A few moments later, they found out, and it left Naruto shuddering in the corner and vowing that he would never, _ever_ see Sai in the same way again. Gaara seemed less troubled by the concept than the blonde, and just seemed rather confused as to why people thought he had a sexual relationship with his siblings.

"There is something _wrong_ with internet people…" Naruto shuddered, finally remembering that he was going to check his emails. Distantly, Gaara greeted Temari as he clicked into his inbox.

Sakura had sent him a link? With a small frown, he clicked on it.

_'Read this_!' The message read.

Almost as soon as the page came up; his entire computer screen went white.

"What the –" There was suddenly a piercingly high noise, and both he and Gaara slumped forwards. The white light built up; completely blinding poor Temari; and when her vision finally returned to normality; both Naruto and Gaara had completely disappeared!

* * *

"Karin…what do you think you're doing?" Sasuke inquired coolly, having walked into the room to use her laptop to find her rather guiltily minimising a webpage, "If this is that awful fanfiction again…"

"It's not awful!" she immediately squeaked in her defence, "…This one's actually quite good! It's about…um…" She blushed a little, "You should give it a try! It's a story about how you get pulled into an alternate universe and have to play out fanfictions…"

"It sounds terrible," Sasuke remarked, deadpan. She swallowed sheepishly, nodding and getting up to leave him in peace. He rolled his eyes at her behaviour and headed over to the computer; cursing the people who had to nerve to write such ridiculous things about him –especially with someone like Naruto! Why there were so many, he didn't know. And why Suigetsu had thought it would be a bright idea to _show _him; that was completely beyond him too. Well, he didn't keep Suigetsu around for his brains; that was for sure.

With a heavy sigh, he opened up the webpage again to go to his inbox. Moments later, before he had time to do anything at all; the screen began to get brighter and brighter and with a sudden, luminous flash of light; he was gone from the room, leaving Karin staring in disbelief at the screen, and the spot where her precious Sasuke had once stood.

* * *

Pein and Konan blinked in astonishment, staring at the electronics that had just suddenly clattered to the couch –their owners now nowhere in sight. The two of them exchanged horrified glances, Pein heading over to look at the screen of Deidara's laptop.

The entire open webpage was blank, except for where a strange, blinking cursor had suddenly started typing.

* * *

**So there's the first chapter; I hope you readers are all okay with it. No harm is meant! I love fanfiction as much as anyone; I love reading it; I love writing it; I love putting in impossible situations and making them a bit OOC sometimes and of course chucking around pairings! **

**Review if you'd like me to continue! **

**xx K**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome to chapter two! This ones just a bit of an introduction; things really start happening in the next one ;) **

* * *

Deidara groaned in pain, his face pressed against something very hard and very cold. His head was throbbing like mad, and for some reason his clothes felt unnaturally tight. With a groan, he rubbed his head, wincing as he staggered to his feet to survey his surroundings.

He was apparently in a small, stone room, with nothing but a bed, mirror and a desk, and a small, single window that was letting in a veil of soft sunlight. Where was he? One minute he was clicking on a link to a new fanfiction…then there was that weird flash of light…and now…

"HOLY CRAP!" Deidara exploded suddenly, catching sight of himself in the mirror and practically passing out. He looked down in absolute horror, clutching at his chest to discover that the breasts he was seeing in the mirror were incredibly, definitely real. "Oh fuck, what the _fuck_ is happening?" he exclaimed, his eyes bulging as he eyed his reflection tentatively and noticing that he was in some ridiculous, floor-length dress that he had just assumed with his Akatsuki cloak…

"Deidara? That you?" Hidan's voice came from somewhere distantly. Suddenly, as if his body was moving all by itself, Deidara found himself walking towards the window and peering out. He spied Hidan on the ground; several hundred feet below him, peering up; and clad in what appeared to be a suit of armour.

"What the _fuck_ is going on?" Deidara squealed.

" –Why do you sound so fucking girly?" Hidan inquired mockingly.

"I do _not_ sound like a girl!" he snapped angrily, trying to spin around and head back to the mirror –but for some reason, though his mind was fully functional, his body seemed unresponsive.

"Are you wearing a fucking _dress_?" Hidan cackled gleefully.

"No!" Deidara shouted back, "I…I can't move my body, yeah…"

"What are you talking about?" Hidan snorted, rolling his eyes. Deidara, feeling his body move on its own accord, began clambering up onto the windowsill.

"Oh shit!" his eyes widened in absolute horror as he teetered on the edge.

"What the fuck are you doing up there?" Hidan shouted, but that was the moment when the younger man took a flying leap from the high tower that he had been imprisoned in, and began plummeting to the ground; his dress billowing out behind him.

Now, Hidan would've quite happily watched him hit the ground at breakneck speed -and probably laughed whilst doing so, but instead, he found himself sprinting towards the rapidly falling Deidara, and stretching out his arms –impossibly catching the younger man in his arms just before he hit the ground.

"What the fuck, Hidan, yeah?" Deidara snapped, "I totally could've landed that –"

" –Why do you have tits?" Hidan inquired flatly, ignoring the blonde and his eyes widening in horror as he noticed that Deidara was actually looking kind of different; his face was thinner, and his eyes brighter…and his chest –well, it definitely belonged to no male, "…Deidara…are you a fucking chick?"

"Put me down, yeah!" the smaller man immediately snapped irritably, longing to fidget and kick out, but his body being strangely unresponsive.

"I…fuck…" Hidan tried desperately to dump the man –woman…_Deidara_ –in a heap on the ground, but his arms refused to yield, "…I can't. I fucking can't! I can't control my body!" He didn't like the fact that he was holding a girl version of Deidara in a weird kind of bridal style hold; and even though he knew that that was actually another guy there, there was really too much cleavage showing.

" –Stop looking at my chest, yeah, you pervert!" Deidara growled, finding himself blushing uncomfortably. He finally found himself being gently lowered to his feet, and his hand being taken between Hidan's two much larger ones. All of his instincts said to instantly set off some detonating clay and kick Hidan's ass; but his body, still unresponsive, decided otherwise.

Hidan gritted his teeth as he took Deidara's hand, before gently pressing his lips against it.

"What the fuck –" Deidara exclaimed hotly, but that was the moment when the entire landscape began turning fuzzy, and slowly faded to white.

When their vision returned to normal, the first thing they noted was that they were trapped inside what appeared to be a large, completely white room; with the familiar faces of Kisame and Itachi on the opposite side of the room. Deidara, discovering that he could move at will, immediately clutched at his chest and let out a dramatic sigh of relief when he discovered that he was once again the right gender. Itachi looked up blankly at the sound.

"You look upset," he remarked conversationally.

"I had _breasts_ a second ago!" Deidara exclaimed hotly, "I was in a tower and it was like I was fucking _Rapunzel_ or something! I think I have the right to be upset, yeah!" Itachi just rolled his eyes, "…Where are we, yeah?"

"We aren't sure," Kisame informed him flatly, nodding at one of the walls, "…But I doubt it's anything good…" Deidara and Hidan looked over at the wall that Kisame had gestured to and stared in apprehension as they watched a cursor begin typing, as if on a screen.

* * *

"Get away from me!" Sasuke was snarling angrily as Naruto tried to approach him with hands held up defensively.

"I can't!" Naruto protested, "My body's just moving on its own!"

"Like I really believe that –" Sasuke snorted angrily, his dark eyes flashing crossly when Naruto made to come a step closer. Suddenly, as he swung out, Naruto's fist caught his hand, and he was stunned to discover that his own body was refusing to obey him. He would've usually been able to easy bat away Naruto's pathetic block and strike him; but his arm, no matter how much he willed it to move, wouldn't budge.

"See what I mean?" Naruto remarked with a sigh, seeing the conflict and anger rising in Sasuke's dark eyes. Suddenly, his expression changed as he spied something trickling down the raven's pale cheek, "…Sasuke…are you crying?"

"Of course not, idiot," Sasuke growled angrily, blinking away the tears that had sprung to his eyes, unbidden, "Why would I be –"

"You're crying," Naruto's voice softened and his licked his lips; incredibly unsure as to what was going on. He didn't recognise their surroundings either –and what were they wearing? These certainly weren't his own clothes…

"I….I can't help it…" Sasuke muttered aggressively, "I can't stop crying…"

"Why are you –"

"I don't know!" he snarled back crossly, and Naruto found himself dropping the hand that gripped Sasuke's fist. The raven's paused momentum resumed, and he collapsed against Naruto's chest, arms wrapped around him and for some reason, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Let go of me…" Sasuke growled, the threatening tone of his voice quite drowned out by the sound of sobbing.

"You're the one clinging to me –" Naruto's voice was laced with confusion and concern, and a little bit of anger at not knowing what was going on. He suddenly found Sasuke's cheek pressed to his chest, and his arms closed around the raven comfortingly –for which Sasuke glared up at him with angry, puffy eyes.

"I don't know what is going on –" Naruto assured him, his head bowing automatically to rest against Sasuke's forehead reassuringly. Almost as soon as their skin touched, the blonde felt a strange, uncomfortable tugging feeling in his gut; and his vision began to blur.

When it finally righted itself, he staggered; feeling a little bit motion-sick. Reeling forwards slightly, a strong arm was extended and caught him before he toppled over. Blinking confused cerulean eyes, he looked up to see the familiar form of Gaara standing over him and pushing him back a little; eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Gaara –what's going on –" Naruto's words died in his mouth as he followed the redhead's gaze across the white room to see four members of the _Akatsuki _standing there; half looking ready to fight, and the other two just looking bored.

"That's the nine-tails brat, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed hotly, immediately looking ready to leap into action.

" –Calm yourself, Deidara," Itachi growled darkly, getting to his feet.

"…Itachi…" Sasuke growled darkly, his Sharingan illuminating with anger.

"Well this is unusual," Itachi chuckled coldly, "Baby brother, have you been crying?" Without waiting for an answer, Itachi moved forward so that he was the most prominent of the four Akatsuki members. He addressed Naruto next, "…Naruto Uzumaki...I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting your companions here." Naruto looked past Gaara and was surprised to see that Neji was there with him; poised to fight.

"I am the Kazekage, Gaara," Gaara greeted in his powerful voice.

"My name is Neji Hyuuga," Neji growled, "…Itachi Uchiha; I never thought I'd get the chance to fight you."

" –Oh look, so he does fucking exist," Hidan drawled with a cackle, nudging Itachi cheekily. The elder Uchiha glared aggressively at the Jashinist.

"There's no need for fighting," Itachi assured the Hyuuga flatly, and then glaring at his younger brother, "It would seem we are all trapped in this situation together."

"How do we know this isn't some Akatsuki trick?" Naruto growled darkly.

"…If it was, do you think I'd choose to be a fucking girl, yeah?" Deidara snapped angrily.

" –Oh, get the fuck over it, Deidara," Hidan growled coldly, "I had to fucking kiss your hand and there was nothing I could fucking do about it –"

"Wait, what?" Naruto frowned. "_What_ is going on here?" Itachi sighed heavily.

"…Kisame and I woke up in this room," he explained in his ominous voice, "We then proceeded to discover that someone is typing stories that appear up on one of these four walls, like a screen; and whatever is written, we are forced to act out."

"That can't be true," Sasuke growled angrily, the red not fading from his eyes.

" –Well, unless you chose to embrace Naruto by choice, then I daresay I am correct," Itachi remarked slyly; an accusation that had Sasuke glaring rather openly. He was about to storm forwards, but Naruto held him back with a hand and Kisame stepped forwards to protect Itachi. "Hidan and Deidara say that they were unable to control their movements whilst outside this room…"

"I can confirm that," Gaara offered up with a scowl, "For some reason, when Neji and I woke up, we were dressed as…What did they call us?"

"Gaara was a 'punk' and I was a nerd," Neji informed them stiffly, "And we found ourselves holding hands behind the library…Lord Kazekage, have we spoken before this point?"

"Not to my memory," Gaara answered dryly, "Some force is controlling our bodies, though it appears we are still able to speak for ourselves." Naruto scowled darkly.

"…So someone is writing stuff about us, and we disappear from here when that happens, and our bodies do what they write?" he inquired with a frown, "…And anyone who is in here can read it?"

" –Tch, took you long enough," Sasuke snorted, standing in one of the corners moodily, "…Under no other circumstance would I _hug_ you…"

" –Shut it, little Uchiha, I woke up as a _girl_, yeah," Deidara growled hotly, "I'm going to fucking blow up whoever is responsible for this –" Sasuke's eyes suddenly widened.

"What do you remember?" he suddenly inquired darkly, "…Your last memory before waking up in this ridiculous situation?"

"…I was reading fanfiction, yeah," Deidara snorted, folding his arms, "I just opened a link and there was a white light…" He trailed off as everyone turned to look at him, "…Wait…"

"I was doing the same," Sasuke muttered, "…Karin told me that the one she was reading was about how I was sucked into a fanfiction and forced to play it out –"

"…You can't be suggesting what I think you're suggesting!" Naruto exclaimed hotly.

" –What other explanation is there?" Sasuke spat coldly, "I don't see you offering an alternative –"

"Itachi? Is there a kind of jutsu that could trap us in an alternate universe and control us…" Kisame frowned. Itachi rolled his eyes as though his partner was a moron.

" –Of course," he muttered and all who were present looking visibly pained by the reality of it.

"…That explains Deidara's fucking gender-bending," Hidan chortled, only to be viciously punched in the ribs by a put-out Deidara, "Watch it, shorty!"

"Trapped in a world of fanfiction," Sasuke shuddered violently, "…I can't imagine a worse fate…"

"…You're not even the one that is constantly a victim of abuse and…oh wait…" Deidara remarked, scratching his head and remembering that it usually _was_ Sasuke that was on the receiving end of some terrible things, "…Oh well, at least Naruto's always there to comfort you and nurse your psyche back to health, yeah –" His voice was distinctly mocking.

"Why were you reading fanfictions about me?" Sasuke snapped aggressively, annoyed that that situation happened far too much in the fanfictions he'd browsed through. Like that idiot could _ever_ hope to be a symbol of hope for him.

" –It was Itachi," Deidara snapped irritably.

"…ItaSasu is a terrible, real thing," Itachi informed his brother flatly, "Of course I had to investigate what else was being written about you…" Sasuke just settled with a glare, the sound of Chidori instantly crackling into life.

"That won't –" Itachi growled, but his sentence was cut off by the sound of a fist connecting with a wall, and then a small explosion as Sasuke was flung across the other side of the room; the wall he attacked remaining in perfect condition, "…You don't think we've tried that already?"

"This room is impenetrable," Gaara remarked in his blank tone, "I suggest you do not seek to commit violence while we are all forced into each other's company."

"What are we supposed to do then?" Sasuke snapped, "Just sit around and wait to be used as puppets for some sick game?"

"Yes," Gaara growled; his voice commanding respect, "…I for one do not wish to be trapped here forever. For now; we must play our parts until we can discover the origin of whatever jutsu this may be."

"…You don't have to like it…" Naruto murmured, casting his eyes downwards, "…Just…don't fight us…there'll be a time for that later." He looked back up and caught Sasuke's gaze. Raven and blonde stared each other down for a long moment, until Sasuke averted his eyes coldly with a noncommittal noise. Naruto sighed with a small smile. At least no one was trying to kill each other –though from the way that Neji and Hidan were glaring at each other, it appeared that there had been some altercation before he and Sasuke arrived.

"…Itachi –" Hidan's voice suddenly drawled, and all eyes turned to face the corner where Itachi and Kisame had just stood, "…Looks like it's your fucking turn…" Itachi and Kisame's forms shimmered and glitched for a moment, before they suddenly completely disappeared from the room; leaving the remaining six in stony, uncomfortable silence.

"Fuck...let's see how their fucking story plays out..."

* * *

**There we are; stay tuned for Kisame and Itachi's first experience acting out fanfiction...and will they all experience only one? I don't think so! Will things escalate? Undoubtedly.**

xx K


	3. Chapter 3

**So the way these are going to run, is like little extracts for each pairing. It's all over-simplified and over-generalised, I know; but this isn't meant to be a serious fic :) It's a bit more difficult with the characters not knowing the dialogue that is being written, but I hope each stereotypical situation is able to be identified and enjoyed!**

**Yaoi warnings from pretty much hereon out. Don't ask me where this is placed in the manga/anime (some things just don't make sense in fanfiction haha)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"_Deck the halls with boughs of holly…_"

"Oh hell no," Kisame remarked flatly.

Itachi found himself looking to his right and managed to contain his amusement by simply raising a single eyebrow. Their surroundings quickly came into focus, accompanied by the awful ringing of sleigh-bells and carolers.

"…Red suits you, Kisame," Itachi commented flatly; in a somewhat mocking tone as Kisame glared back at him, looking mortified at being caught dressed as Santa Claus.

"Love the dress, Itachi," Kisame remarked back snidely, running his eyes over the Uchiha's own ungainly apparel and shifting uncomfortably in his seat upon the chair; spying a line of what appeared to be children beginning to line up a bit further down a long red carpet. Itachi looked down at his outfit and mentally swore to punish whoever was writing this.

"It's a tunic," he snapped back; irritated because it looked more like a dress than a tunic. He was wearing a green elf's costume; with matching elf-hat and boots with bells. He was wearing white gloves and ridiculous white stockings; and it was _mortifying_.

"Of course…" Kisame rolled his eyes, "…Tell me…what are we doing here?"

"…I believe you are a mall Santa Claus…" Itachi replied quietly, noticing the line of cueing people.

"Itachi!" suddenly, a strange person he had never seen before in his life hurried up to them, shoving a camera in Itachi's waiting hands, "What are you doing just standing around? The kids are waiting to get their pictures taken!" Apparently Itachi replied, because this newcomer smirked knowingly and chuckled, winking at him.

"…Oh, I see," the young woman giggled, "Okay, don't worry, Itachi; I'll help you out! It's about time you confessed to Kisame anyways!"

"…Confessed to me…" Kisame remarked in confusion.

"I have a terrible feeling about this," Itachi remarked flatly as several more young adults dressed as Christmas elves wandered up to them with smirks plastered all over their faces. He tried to activate his Sharingan, but somehow found himself unable to. As the group approached, he longed to lash out and warn them to keep back, but his body just would not respond to his will.

"So…Itachi…" one of the young men inquired curiously, "…You got anyone you're planning on spending Christmas eve with?" Again; they seemed to think that Itachi replied because they all laughed.

"…You're just no fun," one of the girls complained, "…Where's your sense of Christmas spirit? Don't you have anything you want for Christmas?"

"What is going on?" Itachi growled.

"…I wish I knew what they thought you were saying…" Kisame remarked, and Itachi could tell that the giant blue man was desperately trying to fidget but unable to.

"You and me both," the Uchiha muttered, feeling more and more apprehensive with every step those strange people took. All of a sudden, one of them knocked into him, and suddenly finding his limbs incredibly sluggish and ungraceful, he went tumbling backwards over the arm of Kisame's Santa throne, landing right in Santa's lap with his hat askew. Itachi had read enough Christmas fanfictions to know where this was going.

"Ooh! Look! Mistletoe!" the girls were all squealing. Itachi's eyes drifted upwards aggressively to spy that dreaded, awful plant being dangled above him by one of those annoying, strange people that seemed to know his name, "Go on, Kisame; aren't you going to kiss him?"

"…This is not happening…" Kisame growled darkly, as he and Itachi were forced to look each other directly in the eye as a big blue hand fixed the Uchiha's lopsided hat. Itachi gritted his teeth as he found that one of his hands was sitting against Kisame's strong chest, gripping at the fabric languidly.

"You have to!" the strangers were crowing gleefully; wolf whistling. Kisame averted his eyes as his hand moved off its own free will to brush aside the bangs that had fallen across Itachi's face. Trying with all his being to resist the manipulation, he found his head leaning forwards, slowly pulling Itachi's up to meet him.

Eyes clenched tightly in a grimace, their lips met; Itachi wriggling to get more comfortably in Kisame's lap; hands meekly pressed up against him as Kisame's rough lips pressed up against his; coercing a response from him. Itachi felt a tongue brush against the seam of his lips, and against his will, they parted to let Kisame's tongue dip in and taste his mouth. Slowly, Kisame pulled back, his face curled into what was apparently meant to be an endearing smile, but in reality turned out to look more like grimace. As the other elves cheered, their surroundings began to blur, and in the blink of an eye, they were back in that infernal white room; Kisame sitting on the floor against a wall, with Itachi sitting in his lap.

"…What just happened?" Deidara inquired, aghast as Itachi tried to scramble to his feet whilst maintaining as much dignity as humanly possible. Thankfully, he was back in his own clothes and not that god-awful elf costume. He wiped his mouth distastefully.

"…I don't want to talk about it," he growled crossly, folding his arms with a huff as Sasuke smirked at his brother's discomfort, "…But it appears that though this writer can control our actions, they can't control our words…though any other characters appear to think that we speak…"

"So you _didn't_ tell 'Sora' to not embarrass you in front of Kisame?" Deidara snorted cheekily, pointing up at the wall, "…We read what the writer intended you to say." He smirked as Itachi glared at him coolly.

"…I can't believe they made us kiss…" Kisame growled darkly; not able to meet Itachi's gaze.

"…With the fanfiction that's out there, count yourself lucky that that's all they made us do…" Itachi shuddered.

" –Wait, where are Gaara and Neji?" Naruto inquired suddenly, noticing the lack of a certain redhead in the room and his eyes widening at the realisation that he was stranded alone in a room with four members of the criminal organisation out to kill him and Sasuke Uchiha; the man who he considered his best friend, but who he knew could turn on him at any moment.

"…Don't worry, Naruto," Itachi assured him in his deep voice, "…None of here will hurt you –and your friends…" He gestured up at the wall, "…They'll be back soon, I assume."

* * *

Gaara sighed heavily, looking down at the paperwork on his desk and beginning to scan it but not fully reading it. Eyes darting around the room, he could've sworn he was back in his office in Suna, apart from the fact that his body was refusing to do anything he willed it to. With a heavy sigh, he found his hands agitatedly shuffling through his papers as there was a knock on the door.

"Lord Kazekage?" Matsuri's voice chirped through the door as she peered through with curious eyes, "Your lov –I mean…the Konoha Ambassador is here to see you." Apparently he told her to fetch the messenger, because she nodded obediently, and ushered someone into the room before politely closing the door behind her. Gaara looked up to see Neji Hyuuga standing there.

"What was she talking about –" Gaara tried to say, but that was when Neji stalked across the room and yanked him to his feet; crushing their lips together and slipping his tongue into Gaara's surprised mouth. The Kazekage, who had never been kissed before, felt himself blushing in horror as he felt his own tongue entwine with Neji's in a hot, passionate kiss. Almost as suddenly as it had begun, Neji pulled back, his eyes wide with horror at what he'd just done.

"…I am so sorry…" he apologised quickly before his lips reattached to Gaara's neck and began sucking harshly at the skin there, his hips pushing Gaara back against his desk and forcing their hips to connect.

"What…what is going on…" Gaara managed to gasp out, a little breathless with shock and the fact that his entire body seemed to be suddenly very sensitive.

"I…I don't know –" Neji breathed softly, his tongue tracing all the way up Gaara's throat and slipping into his mouth again, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and grinding their bodies together. Gaara felt his head being pushed back and Neji's tongue delving forth to ravage him, and he felt his knees growing weak as he clutched at his desk with one hand to keep his balance; his other hand automatically wrapping itself around the Hyuuga's body and gripping his long hair tightly.

Neji was mortified at his body's actions as he rolled his hips up against the Kazekage's; noticing the intense blush that the redhead seemed to be sporting. Planting both hands forcefully beside Gaara on his desk, he deepened their kiss further, feeling him quiver beneath him.

"What –nnn…" Gaara tried to say as they broke apart for air, but he was suddenly finding that his pants were feeling far too tight from the all-too pleasurable friction that Neji was creating between them. He found his arms just clinging to Neji's back as he felt himself begin to grind down against the knee that was pressed to his crotch. He could feel his clothed cock hardening. Neji's grinding grew more forceful and far more pleasurable and their lips met again; Gaara unable to prevent himself from letting out a breathy gasp. What he was feeling was so foreign; most people never being able to get this close to him; let alone in such an intimate way. Neji gave him a horrified, apologetic look as one of his hands slid up against Gaara's covered erection and began palming it in time with his grinding.

Gaara's orgasm took him almost completely by surprise. He'd felt the pleasure mounting throughout his body, and then all of a sudden, he was seeing stars and throwing his head back as fire coursed through his system; leaving his body weak and his pants sticky. Neji caught him as he staggered, wrapping his arms around him protectively and supporting him as the redhead shuddered several times; panting heavily.

That was the position which they returned to the white room in; Neji holding Gaara as though the redhead was injured and Gaara trying to understand what had just happened. Neji looked mortified as he looked up in horror to see everyone in the room staring at him.

"Wow…" Naruto remarked, blinking in surprise.

"Can someone tell me what the _hell_ just happened?" Neji snapped irritably, taking a polite step away from the Kazekage and trying to regain some of his dignity.

"…You were apparently the Kazekage's long-time fuck-buddy," Hidan offered with a cackle, "…Who you just dry-humped against his fucking desk –" Neji flushed red in embarrassment at his shameful behaviour, about to advance angrily to confront the jashinist. Naruto held out a hand to stop him.

"No, Neji; we need to work together –" he began to say.

* * *

Thunder rumbled.

Naruto woke up with a start in a soft bed. He blinked his bright eyes several times and shivered, clutching at the blankets as lightning flashed. His curtains billowed; the window was open. Getting out of bed, he tiptoed over and slammed it shut; hearing the rain falling heavily outside. Shivering again, he looked out at the storm, having the uncomfortable feeling that he was being watched. The night was cold.

_What was going on_?

Lightning flashed suddenly once more, and with shock, he caught sight of a reflection in the mirror. Spinning around, he was horrified and relieved to see Sasuke standing on the other side of the room; dressed entirely in black, and his pale skin seeming even whiter in the dim lighting.

"Sasuke –what's happening this time –" he inquired quietly, backing away slowly. Faster than he had ever seen anyone move, Sasuke was behind him, his hands clenching Naruto's biceps in a vice-like grip. Naruto felt warm breath against his neck and –was Sasuke _smelling_ him?

All of a sudden, he was released again, and Sasuke was on the other side of the room, clenching his fists and his face looking tormented. He ran his hands through his hair aggressively, swiping out at a lamp and sending it flying across the room.

" –This makes no sense!" Naruto exploded, his voice angry, but his body language showing fear. Sasuke glared at him, smirking snidely and revealing pointed fangs, "…Oh no…No…No…" He paused in his movement, watching the heavily breathing raven across the room, before backing away; heading towards the door.

Sasuke was apparently having none of that, as he quickly found his way barred. A pale, cold hand was placed over his eyes and he felt that same warm breath run down along his neck; making him shiver once more. Sasuke's other hand slipped under his shirt, and began languidly tracing the skin of his abdomen in gentle strokes. As the raven made an annoyed, disgusted sound, Naruto surprised himself at the discovery that his skin wasn't crawling from the sensation of another man's touch.

Something sharp pricked his neck and he winced, feeling blood begin to bead at the small wound.

" –Why are you a vampire?" Naruto complained crossly, desperately willing his body to move as he felt Sasuke's tongue drag across his skin, lapping at the blood greedily, "No…stop it!"

"…I'm not doing this by choice, you loser –" Sasuke growled darkly, his hand beginning to stroke Naruto's stomach in more forceful trails as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss against a tanned neck before biting down harshly. The blonde gave a short cry and twisted in his grip; to no avail. Sasuke sucked aggressively at the seeping wound, his arms now tightly preventing Naruto from escaping.

All of a sudden, as though fighting an internal war with himself, the raven tore away, pressing himself back against the nearest wall; allowing Naruto to topple to the floor. The blonde looked up through hurt blue eyes and noticed that Sasuke was breathing heavily; blood trickling down his chin with guilt and turmoil written all over his face; though his eyes showed outrage at being a pawn in someone else's story.

Sasuke knew this story too well. He'd read far too many fanfictions where he was the vampire seeking a mate; or a heartless killer…in any situation where he was portrayed as a blood-sucker, he'd inevitably end up falling in love with the bright-eyed, innocent human who would either choose to join him in immortality, or who would change his undead existence….

And now he was trapped in that exact story.

His tongue was salty with Naruto's blood and he stared darkly at the blonde backing away from him. He had to admit that it was nice to see the idiot grovelling like this for a change; showing the fear that he really _should_ harbour for him. Unfortunately, he could still see that angry defiance in those blue eyes, and knew it wasn't real.

"There has to be a way to end this jutsu!" Naruto exclaimed in exasperation as he watched Sasuke's body show all outward signs of conflicting emotions as he ran his tongue across his lips; expression one of tortured satisfaction, followed instantly by guilt. Almost instantly, Naruto felt himself being dragged to his feet and then strangely gently being placed back into his bed. He looked up to see Sasuke's face looking down at him coldly, and felt something strange surge through him as a pale, deathly cold hand ran down his cheek in a simple show of affection.

And just like that, he had disappeared from the room and into the darkness. Naruto groaned aloud, wincing at the throbbing pain in his neck and staring up at the roof. He didn't think that things could _get_ any weirder.

As if this strange world was out to prove him wrong, the room around him began to change. The darkness was suddenly replaced by a beautiful, soft, natural light; the dull roof being replaced by a gentle white. He blinked several times in confusion; not quite understanding the change in scenery. He flexed his fingers and found that his joints were aching. Even the bed under him had changed in an instant; no longer a bed; but a couch in a quaint living room.

His blue eyes scanned the room; it looked like he was back in Konoha (thank god)…but what was…as he struggled to sit up, he couldn't help but let a horrified shriek escape from his lips.

"NO! NO! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! NOOOO!"

* * *

Hidan chugged back a beer and flicked the bartender a tip, taking a drag on a cigarette, eyeing up the club patrons that were on offer that night, but no one really catching his eye. He yawned, blowing off several women that tried to hit on him and ordering another drink.

"…Hey, Hidan," the bartender –fuck, was that Kakuzu –commented with a chuckle, "…You're being checked out…" Kakuzu nodded out to the dance-floor and Hidan groaned dramatically as he raised an eyebrow.

Deidara was out on the floor, shaking his ass like he did it for a living and grinding up against anyone that came within reach. He was looking directly at Hidan, and fuck –did he just lick his lips? Yes, Deidara was licking his lips, and grinding his ass up against some sleazebag; looking directly at him and showing off his bare, toned stomach. The blonde ran a hand down his chest seductively, his other groping down the leg of the man he was dancing with.

"Tell you what; you go over there and dance with the blonde, and I'll let you have this _one_ drink free," Kakuzu smirked, sliding a shot towards him. Hidan apparently appeared to consider this for a moment before swiftly downing the shot and popping his collar; putting out his cigarette on the bar. "…Go get him, tiger –"

"Fucking hell, Kakuzu…" Hidan grumbled crossly, hating the way he adjusted his necklace and began smoothly stalking out to the dance-floor to where Deidara appeared to be quite happily grinding up against some red-head that strangely resembled Sasori. Upon closer inspection, however, Deidara's eyes displayed how displeased he was with this situation.

"…You look like a tool, yeah," the blonde snapped angrily, as soon as Hidan approached him, eyeing the tight black pants and purple dress shirt with the rolled up sleeves that the jashinist was sporting, "I didn't know you smoked..."

"Adds to the fucking 'tool' look. And well, you look like a fucking slut," Hidan growled back, giving Deidara a 'you can't talk' look; eyeing the half-top and form-fitting leather pants that the blonde was wearing; showing off his midriff, "You seem to be enjoying yourself…" As if on cue, Deidara immediately looped his arms around the platinum-haired man's neck and hooked a leg up over his hip seductively, "Oh fucking _hell no_! You get your fucking hands off me or –"

" –Or what?" Deidara snapped, "I can't bloody control my body! You think I'd be fucking –" His words were cut off as Hidan's mouth was suddenly very close to his ear and both of his large hands were planted firmly on the blonde's ass, "…When we get out of this, yeah, I am blowing you to pieces, you piece of shit!" Hidan gritted his teeth as his hands gripped Deidara's ass tighter and forced their hips to grind together in time to the music. Their bodies began to grow sticky with the sweat and atmosphere of the club.

Deidara began running his hands through his hair; his body perfectly happy to leave Hidan to keep him upright as their lower halves ground up against each other. Hidan looked back over his shoulder and saw Kakuzu smirking and giving him a thumbs up.

Hooking one arm around Hidan's neck, Deidara began rolling his hips up against Hidan's lustily, his other hand trailing down the bigger man's shirt; slowly undoing buttons and a sly finger tracing down the centre of his chest.

"If Itachi or Kisame says _anything_ about this, I am fucking cutting their heads off and sticking them on fucking pikes for Jashin…" Hidan swore angrily, finding his own body trying its utmost to press against the blonde as hard as possible. His thumbs hooked beneath the waistband of Deidara's incredibly tight pants, and he leaned forwards again; obviously whispering something to him.

"…Fucking hell…I don't wanna fucking know what I'm saying to you…" Hidan growled menacingly.

Deidara had a terrible feeling that he knew _exactly_ the sorts of things Hidan would be saying to him in this sort of fanfiction, and his fears were confirmed when suddenly, Hidan grabbed him by the hand and began pulling him from the dancefloor, and towards the stairs; to the rooms like likely lay upstairs.

Now, he'd read enough fanfiction to be apprehensive; and horrified with what might lie up those stairs…but as he noticed Hidan's hand resting on his ass again; guiding him upstairs…he found himself feeling something more that dread. Hidan noticed this as well. He noticed the way the blonde suddenly went rather quiet, and his eyes began darting around agitatedly. The jashinist had threatened enough people to know the signs.

…Deidara was nervous?

* * *

**What situation has Naruto been written into this time? What's in store next for Kisame and Itachi? Poor mortified Neji! And why's Deidara so nervous? Stay tuned and review to find out!**

**xx K**


	4. Chapter 4

**As always; yaoi warning; things are getting a bit lemon-y up in here, or heading that way ;) Next chapter or two will involve a wee bit of mixing it up a bit... But this IS predominantly about the pairings mentioned in the summary. The situations shown aren't necessarily stereotypical for the characters, but I wanted to get them all involved. Cheers for the lovely reviews!**

**On with the story!**

* * *

"This is not happening; this cannot be happening, _Sasuke what is wrong with me_?" Naruto shrieked, spying a new, less vampiric Sasuke appearing through the door in what appeared to be a nice suit; carrying a briefcase –was it just him, or did he look older? More adult? Even Sasuke looked horrified for a moment before he regained his composure; staring at Naruto's mortified expression as he stared at his stomach. The blonde yelped in terror as he felt something stir in his stomach.

"…Are you…pregnant?" Sasuke inquired flatly. Naruto made a terrified sobbing noise.

"YES!" he cringed, his hand automatically rubbing his swollen belly as the raven headed over to sit beside him on the couch, soothingly placing a warm hand on his skin. The apparent baby inside him seemed to sense his presence, as there was a soft kick. Sasuke curled his nose up in distaste.

"How does this happen?" Naruto exclaimed in a panic, "I am a man; I can't _get_ pregnant! And what –" His eyes widened again, staring around the room and suddenly and awfully spying a gold band encircling the fourth finger of his left hand, "Why am I wearing a wedding ring…and –" There were photos hung all around the room; photos of he and Sasuke apparently looking quite happy and homely –a picture of the two of them standing at an altar and a smiling raven kissing a blushing blonde.

"…Apparently in this one, we're married," Sasuke growled darkly, noticing the matching band on his own hand. A choked breath caught in Naruto's throat as he looked up at the raven as he stood, placing a brief kiss on the blonde's cheek.

"…If I'm pregnant…" The cogs in Naruto's mind were turning awfully slowly. "…Are you the…NO; NO! If I'm pregnant that means we…we…" He seemed unable to finish his sentence; he was so aghast.

"Sex; Naruto," Sasuke rolled his eyes at the blonde's immaturity, "And you are _not_ pregnant. You can't _get_ pregnant…"

"_Then why am I pregnant_?" Naruto squawked, feeling the baby kick again and feeling queasy at the very thought as he heard the sound of chopping, and looked over his shoulder to see Sasuke _dicing onions_ –apparently getting started on a meal for the two of them.

"…This is some messed up fanfiction…" Sasuke growled darkly.

" –How would we even…" Naruto mused in a mutter as Sasuke brought over a cup of tea for him.

"…Say nothing about the apron…" the raven glared, and had this been any other situation, Naruto would've made some smart comment -but he was too busy panicking. "And what are you talking about now?"

"…How would we…I mean…I don't..." Naruto found himself blushing and pressing a soft kiss to Sasuke's chin as he gratefully took the tea and sipped at it; scalding his tongue slightly. Sasuke just snorted at his innocence. "What? It's not like I've ever…It's not…" He trailed off awkwardly, staring down into his tea, not wanting to say aloud that he was a virgin with practically no sexual experience. Sasuke said nothing, just looked down his nose at him with a snort and returned to fixing dinner. Naruto huffed hot air out of his nose and sipped at his tea again agitatedly.

"...And anyway...It's not like we did..." the blonde added, mostly to himself, in an attempt to calm himself as he placed a hand on his belly.

He couldn't help but let his eyes gaze at all the pictures lining the walls. In those pictures, Sasuke looked so happy. There were photos of the two of them on what appeared to be Naruto finally being promoted to chuunin –and Sasuke being made jounin…photos with Kakashi and Sakura –Naruto playing with a brown-haired child with pale Hyuuga eyes and Inuzuka markings on his face.

Though none of the situations were real, he found himself staring at them a little wistfully. In this world, Sasuke had come home. He'd reconciled with his brother…and now here he was, doting on him as a loving husband and soon-to-be father. It was so nice to look into those photos and see Sasuke with a genuine smile crossing his face.

A bit later on, after a long silence, Sasuke appeared to have finished preparing dinner as he wandered back over to the couch and took a seat there, wrapping an arm around Naruto and kissing the top of his head apparently affectionately. Naruto didn't look into the raven's eyes; he didn't want to see the disdain and anger in them. He wanted to imagine for just a moment that Sasuke didn't have that mass of darkness in his heart; he wanted to imagine that for a time, things were a bit more how they had once been.

…Minus the pregnancy and the marriage part of course.

"We have to get out of here…" Sasuke growled suddenly.

" –You're not the one who has a _baby_ inside you!" Naruto snorted crossly, turning around and discovering that his rival's face was far too close for comfort. A pale hand brushed along the whisker marks on his cheek, and tipped his face upwards. Naruto's eyes fell to half-mast as he felt his body leaning up to meeting Sasuke's. He could feel warm breath against his cheek, and ever so slowly; felt the softest brush of velvet lips just barely touching his lips.

And then, just before their lips met, the scene began dissolving into white.

* * *

Deidara was roughly shoved backwards onto the creaky bed as Hidan hovered over him predatorily, his rough hands sliding seductively up the blonde's thin stomach. He shuddered as he felt a rough tongue trail up his abdomen before Hidan rose up and latched his lips onto the sensitive skin of his neck. His hands reached up, unbidden and clutched at the bigger man's obnoxious shirt.

"…Fuck…" Deidara growled, gritting his teeth as he found his legs parting all-too eagerly for Hidan's body. He let out a low gasp as Hidan's hands trailed low again, one of them sliding up the back of his thigh and running a sly finger against the crease of his ass, "Don't –don't do that!"

" –Like I can fucking help it!" Hidan snarled aggressively, closing his eyes and fighting back the feeling of shame and outrage that was filling his entire body. He felt Deidara shudder beneath him again as he ghosted his other hand up across his nipples, "…You're fucking sensitive aren't you?"

"…S-Shut up –" Deidara snapped angrily, but that was when Hidan leaned up and captured his lips in a forceful, deep kiss. The blonde's hands slid up, wrapping around the bigger man's neck as he began grinding his hips up against Hidan's, giving Hidan's body incentive to grind back harshly.

The jashinist's tongue slid into Deidara's mouth, ravaging it ferociously and causing him to moan softly deep in his throat. Deidara could barely keep up with the hot way Hidan's lips were practically devouring his own, and was horrified to discover that there was heat pooling in his gut. Their grinding got more heavy; Hidan's head dipping to the crook of Deidara's neck and sucking viciously as he forced his hips up against the blonde, whose legs were needily spreading further to accommodate him.

"…Well you're fucking eager…" Hidan snorted, his tongue trailing up Deidara's neck and tugging the blonde's hair loose.

"_I CAN'T CONTROL MY BODY, YEAH!" _Deidara shouted, his hair splaying across his face as Hidan pulled back a little, pressing a hot trail of kissing down his tanned abdomen and fingers hooking into the waistband of those sinfully tight pants, "NO! Fuck, Hidan –" It was too late; Hidan was dragging off his pants and his shoes, leaving Deidara lying there with his entire lower half exposed and his cock half-hard. He desperately wanted to curl up for modesty –not be lying there like a slut. He also kind of wanted to kick Hidan's ass. Two fingers were held to his mouth, and he found himself eagerly latching onto them; running his tongue across the digits and coating them with saliva.

"…Sucked a lot of cocks have you?" Hidan smirked snidely.

"Say that again and I will stuff you full of C4 and blow you into so many pieces that Kakuzu won't be able to –_what are you doing_?" Deidara's voice suddenly became a lot higher as Hidan lowered his hand and pressed a single digit against Deidara's exposed entrance. Hidan's nose scrunched in distaste and he averted his eyes, feeling the blonde's muscles twitch at his touch.

"DON'T TOUCH ME –"

As he slowly pressed his finger against the ring of muscles and into Deidara, Hidan rose up and captured the blonde's lips in another heated kiss; seeing his eyes widen in pain at the intrusion. He pushed a little further; finding resistance and giving an experimental wiggle. Deidara fidgeted uncomfortably beneath him as he began pumping his finger in and out; pressing a little deeper each time.

"Ugh…this is so weird, yeah…" Deidara spat, grimacing as the feeling of something entering him so…unnaturally.

"You're fucking telling me…" Hidan snorted, trying to ignore the way his digit was being clamped down on by the blonde's tight inner walls, "My finger is up your fucking _ass_."

"_YOUR FINGER IS IN MY ASS_!" The blonde snapped irritably, "_FUCK, WHAT THE HELL, HIDAN_?" He added as he felt the intrusion suddenly increase in size and begin forcing his hole open more.

"_ASK THE FUCKING WRITER, NOT ME_!" Hidan snarled back, beginning to pump two fingers in and out of Deidara at slightly different angles as he began to loosen up a little more.

" –Why would _anyone _want to willingly do this –_OH FUCK_!" Suddenly, Deidara's back arched and his eyes widened as he felt a wave of pleasure pulse through his body as Hidan's fingers brushed up against something inside him. Hidan immediately repeated the response and the blonde was unable to repress another moan.

" –You were fucking saying?" Hidan snorted mockingly as he began thrusting his fingers hard against that same spot and felt Deidara's arms clutch at his back; his body writhing in pleasure.

"F-fucking s-shut up, yeah…" Deidara managed to snap back at him, his breathing becoming laboured as Hidan lowered his other hand and wrapped it around the blonde's half-hard cock.

"Fuck, I can't fucking believe this is fucking happening…" Hidan muttered through gritted teeth as Deidara bucked his hips and then began grinding down against the fingers penetrating him. He leaned up and kissed the bigger man again; this time being the one to push his tongue into the other's mouth. Hidan seemed a little surprised by this, but was forced to kiss back all the same; feeling the vibrations of Deidara's moans rippling from his throat. This urged him to pump his digits into the blonde's prostate faster and harder –eliciting all kinds of breathy noises from him.

The dual sensation of something pressing deep inside him and Hidan's hand pumping his cock suddenly became too much for the blonde, and with a long moan and a gasp, he came as Hidan kissed him once more.

The bigger man pulled back after a moment, watched as a panting, flushed Deidara flopped back against the bed, his legs still spread wide; too dizzy from his orgasm to care about how slutty he was positioned. The blonde's hair was splayed across face and his lips pink and bruised; hickeys beginning to become blatantly visible and his stupid crop-top riding up. His usually fierce eyes were glazed over and there was a small bead of saliva in the corner of his mouth. Hidan ran a hand back through his slick hair and realised that at some point he'd begun sweating.

"Fucking hell…" Hidan growled, withdrawing his fingers and sitting back on his haunches, "…Fuck. _Fuck_. Well, _fuck_. What the fuck just happened?"

"S-Shut…u-up…" Deidara panted, his glare failing to look angry because his eyes were looking a little sleepy. His entire body was tingling and he was hating how shivers of pleasure at the memory kept shooting through him like fractured nerve impulses. As they sat in awkward silence, their surroundings began to blur.

* * *

Itachi did not like this one bit.

For one thing, he was sitting in what he assumed was a school uniform in a chair in an almost-empty classroom, with a report card sitting on the desk in front of him. If that wasn't annoying enough, the report card was shockingly bad, and Kisame was sitting behind the teacher's desk.

"There is something _very_ wrong about this," the Uchiha growled flatly. Kisame had to chuckle at that, one of his hands underneath the desk.

"…As if you would _ever_ get grades this bad," the blue man mocked, earning himself a furious glare and then gritting his teeth a little. Itachi frowned, unsure why Kisame was suddenly looking a little pained. He was also not enjoying the fact that the classroom door appeared to be locked. He squirmed a little in his seat; unusual, because he was usually able to stay sitting for a great deal of time. They remained in silence for a long moment, the sound of the clock ticking the only thing breaking the silence.

"Kisame _what_ is the problem?" Itachi finally asked irritably, annoyed with the expression Kisame was wearing.

"…I have a feeling that there is an extensive amount of dialogue happening here…" his partner replied, his breathing a little laboured.

"I assumed as much," the Uchiha sniffed.

"…If I had to…hazard a guess…" Kisame growled, "…I would be informing you that your grades are unacceptable, and…" He took a breath, "…That there's a way I can alter them…" Itachi raised apprehensive eyes to meet those of his partner, fidgeting again as he noticed the way Kisame's right hand was concealed beneath the desk.

"Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing…" he remarked in a very serious tone. Kisame didn't have enough time to reply before Itachi's shaking legs suddenly removed him from his seat and began walking around to Kisame's side of the desk. "No…No…" His eyes were glinting very dangerously as he slowly sank to his knees in front of his partner's crotch, where he was instantly greeted with the sight of Kisame's incredibly impressive erection. The blue man averted his eyes with a grimace as Itachi closed his eyes in horror but acceptance of what was going to happen.

"I'm sorry, Itachi…" Kisame muttered, his hands leisurely on his spread knees as Itachi moved closer. He closed his eyes as a slender hand tentatively wrapped itself around the base of his cock and gave an experimental stroke, "…Itachi…"

"Don't talk," Itachi ordered flatly, as if hearing Kisame's voice was too much of a reminder of how real this was. As if the pulsing, thick flesh in his hand wasn't reminder enough…

His head dipped and slowly ran his tongue across the head of the enormous erection in front of him before repeating the motion and slowly pressing his lips to the tip. He began slowly pumping his hand as he tentatively began taking Kisame's cock into his mouth; bobbing his head evenly and taking in a little more each time.

Kisame bit his lip, feeling Itachi's tongue swipe along his cock and possibly enjoying the feel of it a little too much. His hips began to automatically buck up into the raven's hot cavern of a mouth. Itachi gagged a little, unable to engulf Kisame completely. He sucked a little harder, able to get a good rhythm between his two hands and the bobbing of his head. He could taste something beginning to leak from the head of Kisame's cock and cringed at the taste, but unable to do anything other than continue.

Kisame let out a low moan, his hand fisting Itachi's hair and forcing him down on his cock a little harder. Itachi made a cringing, uncomfortable noise, but it came out as a moan with vibrations that felt amazing for his partner. Trying to breathe through his nose, Itachi looked up angrily, only to see Kisame staring back at him. Seeing Itachi like that; on his knees; his mouth greedily taking up his cock –something about it was turning him on despite the resentment brewing in the Uchiha's dark eyes. He let out a grunt, closing his eyes as he felt pleasure beginning to mount.

"…Itachi…" he groaned, hoping to warn the raven that he was close to cumming. Itachi's eyes widened in astonishment; praying to whatever gods out there that he could pull back.

But some force out there had other ideas, and instead, he began deep-throating Kisame's massive erection and stroking it faster. He felt Kisame's hands grip at his hair even tighter, but that was his only real warning before all of a sudden his partner came explosively deep in his throat.

Itachi gagged slightly, taking a deep breath in through his nose so as not to choke, and unwillingly swallowed as much as he could; some of Kisame's cum still leaking out the sides of his mouth and spilling down his chin. The hand in his hair fell limp and he laboriously dragged his lips back from the slowly softening cock, coughing slightly and sitting back on his haunches, his hair having become messy.

Kisame looked down at his partner on the floor, feeling incredibly guilty that there was a part of him that had rather enjoyed seeing the stoic Uchiha committing such a crude act. And now, watching as Itachi licked the cum from his lips (albeit unwillingly and glaring the whole time), he couldn't help but notice that he was actually a rather attractive man…

The classroom suddenly began to fade to white.

"We are _never_ speaking of this again, Kisame."

"…Of course, Itachi."

* * *

As if being dry-humped to orgasm hadn't been mortifying enough for Gaara, he had now found himself in an even worse situation. There he was, completely naked; straddling a man that before this day he had barely ever spoken to before, whilst said man was blindfolded and tied to a creaky bed.

And still, as if that wasn't enough, Gaara had just had to endure the horrifying time that had led up to Neji being blindfolded –time he had spent with his own fingers inside himself. He was ashamed and horrified that his own body was nonresponsive to his will.

Now, here he was, perched on the hips of one Neji Hyuuga, grinding the seam of his ass back against the naked Hyuuga's erection. From what he'd gathered about the situation, Neji had become a rogue ninja that had been captured…and now Gaara was supposed to be 'punishing' him in the dungeons –why were there _dungeons_?

"…I…apologise…" Neji managed to breathe out as he felt the tip of his cock brush against Gaara's entrance teasingly. Gaara just shuddered –with disgust or with anticipation, he didn't really know. He ground back a bit harder; letting the Hyuuga's cock press a little harder against his tight ring of muscles and Neji tugged at his bindings, only for Gaara to immediately slam his hands down; preventing Neji from struggling.

Gaara slowly pressed back again, grimacing as the head of Neji's hard cock penetrated him shallowly. He teasingly pulled back and then sunk down again; not letting the erection sink any deeper into him. Neji swallowed loudly; his breathing picking up. It was while Gaara was poised to slam his hips down and impale himself that the black stone walls of the torch-lit chamber shimmered and began to glow brightly. The redhead let out a sound of relief.

* * *

Naruto reeled backwards away from Sasuke, taking advantage of being able to move his limbs freely. He panted heavily as he tore at his stomach with his hands, heaving a huge sigh of relief when he confirmed that he was no longer with child. He stared around and noted that there was a certain level of tension in the white room; the pairs having all arrived back there at different times.

"…Hey, Itachi, I didn't know that Tailed Beasts could make dudes get pregnant," Hidan remarked mockingly, raising an eyebrow with a chuckle. Itachi rolled his eyes, glaring at the jashinist darkly, "Oh, and you've got something on your chin." Instantly, the elder Uchiha's eyes flashed red as his Sharingan activated.

"Whoever is controlling this must be stopped," Gaara suddenly remarked flatly, "They are using us as puppets and I dislike being so degraded."

"I concur…" Itachi commented.

"This writer is sadistic," Neji agreed coldly.

" –I believe we are facing more than one foe," Itachi informed them calmly, "…If you hadn't noticed, we are pulled away into different situations at once –and unless they are using shadow clones…more than one person is writing." There was silence for a moment and everyone shuddered at the same moment, remember what they had all just had to endure.

"…There's no telling what will happen next…" Neji murmured flatly.

"…Don't talk about it…" Naruto reminded him, "We have to think of a way to get out of here while we can –I mean; how bad can it really get?"

"…You're obviously pretty fucking new to fanfiction aren't you?" Hidan remarked, deadpan.

"I just had a _baby_ inside me," he pointed out, "How does it really get worse?" Several of the other men present averted their eyes and coughed awkwardly as the blonde swallowed; eyes begging to be told that he was past the worst of it.

"Oh, you're going to find out, yeah," Deidara remarked blankly, remembering back to his last experience and licking his lips a little. "Believe it."

* * *

**Naruto, you really have no idea. Stay tuned for a bit of mixing it up... Don't forget to leave a review :D What other cliche settings have you come across that you think deserve a mention or that the characters would find outrageous? I've got plans, but I can always add an extra chapter in!**

xx K


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter was turning out too long, so I've split it into two; next to be up soon (hopefully). If there's a block in ****_Italics_****, then it's what the characters are reading on one of the screens in the white room. **

**Lemon warning.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_"Naruto! Sasuke's here!" Kushina called out from downstairs, "Clean your room, young man –Sasuke, make sure he cleans his room?" Naruto looked up from his homework as his door opened and his friend walked in, still dressed in his school uniform. _

_"_Please_ help me!" the blonde exclaimed in frustration, pushing away from his desk and wobbling precariously on his chair, "I just can't figure out how to get these maths questions done!" _

_"…Well if you actually listened in class…" Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes but throwing his bag down on the bed before wandering over. _

_"It's not my fault that Professor Asuma is so boring…" Naruto grumbled crossly as the raven joined him at the desk, inspecting what Naruto had managed to complete, "When am I ever going to need trigonometry anyway?" Sasuke just sighed and picked up a pencil to start correcting some of the blonde's errors._

_Naruto turned to look at his friend; watching that familiar, pale face frown in concentration as he worked his way down the list of problems. More and more recently, he'd been finding himself staring at Sasuke; drawn to his striking features just like he'd been drawn to him in primary school –despite their personalities being practically polar opposites. _

_"Proms in a week," he asked suddenly, to distract himself. _

_"…I'm aware." _

_"Are you going, Sasuke?" Naruto inquired curiously. _

_"…I'd considered it," the raven replied flatly._

_"Why not? All the girls want to go with you…" Naruto muttered, his voice taking on a distinctly jealous tone, "…Sakura would love to –" _

_"I wouldn't want to go with her," Sasuke immediately shrugged, "Are you going?" _

_"Maybe," Naruto frowned, and suddenly found himself wondering if Sasuke would look good in a tux. _

_Who was he kidding; of course he would. Sasuke Uchiha was _made_ to wear a suit. _

_He blushed at the ridiculous thought. He was straight, wasn't he? He wasn't supposed to be thinking about his long-time best friend like that, right? _

_"…Quit your staring, moron," Sasuke remarked, and Naruto's eyes focused again to find that the raven's dark eyes were boring right into him. _

_"I wasn't staring!" he quickly defended, "…I'm tired. I could maybe ask Karui to the ball?" _

_" –Didn't she beat you up?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow with a low chuckle. _

_"It's not like me to hit a girl," Naruto sniffed, "…Or Hinata? She seems nice…Why don't you take Ino then –" _

_"…Don't want to," Sasuke shrugged, sliding the piece of paper back towards the blonde and placing the pencil down on it. _

_"Temari?" _

_" –She's going with Shikamaru –" _

_"Um…Karin?" _

_"…As if…" _

_" –Tenten?" _

_"Who's Tenten?" Naruto made an annoyed noise and grabbed a calculator to start trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong. _

_"…Dammit Sasuke; is there _anyone_ you actually want to go with?" he grumbled crossly, chewing on the end of his pencil. _

_"…Well, there's you…" _

_ The tip of Naruto's pencil snapped and his eyes widened. _

_"What? Like get all the guys to go stag?" he inquired, though his heart suddenly beginning to beat faster. _

_"…You know that's not what I meant." _

_Naruto turned around in his chair to find Sasuke leaning casually against his wall, eyes locked straight forward and not looking at him._

_"…You want to go to the ball…with _me_?" Naruto inquired flatly. _

_"That's what I said, isn't it?" Sasuke snorted. _

_"…You could go with any girl in the school…and you want to go with me?" he continued, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. _

_"You're the least annoying in school." _

_"I know for a _fact_ that that's not true!" Naruto exclaimed, getting up from his chair and stalking over to the raven, looking up at him, "You don't find Neji or Shikamaru annoying!" _

_"Tch…" Sasuke snorted, rolling his eyes and shrugging, "If you didn't want to go with me, then you just had to say so…"_

_"I –Sasuke…I just –are you asking me because I'm your friend…or because of something else…" Naruto mumbled, blushing a little and averting his eyes. When Sasuke didn't reply for a moment, he looked back up, just in time for Sasuke to lean down and lock their lips together gently. _

_Naruto's eyes widened and then clamped shut tightly as he nervously kissed back, finding a shiver of excitement run down his spine as the raven deepened the kiss; his own eyes at half-mast. Time seemed to pass slowly as their lips slowly moved against each other's. And then, with a final press of his lips against Naruto's, Sasuke pulled back, leaving the blonde blushing and breathless. _

_"…You tell me…" he remarked in his smooth voice, before heading over to retrieve his bag, "…I'll see you at school, Naruto." _

* * *

The cursor paused.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hidan exploded, "DOES NARUTO GO TO THE PROM WITH SASUKE OR NOT?" Instantly, all eyes turned to him with weird expressions, "…I mean…That was fucking stupid…" he added awkwardly, correcting himself.

Sasuke and Naruto suddenly reappeared in the white room; only moments before both Deidara and Gaara vanished. Itachi ignored the moving cursor once more in favour of raising an eyebrow and examining the pair.

"…Why, little brother, I never knew you could be so sweet," he remarked teasingly. Sasuke's eyes flashed at him angrily and the elder Uchiha chuckled to himself –maybe it was too soon for jokes.

Naruto, however, wasn't listening to Itachi –or to Hidan who was now desperately trying to convince Kisame that he did _not_ enjoy cute fanfictions in the slightest and had only ended up reading some by accident. The blonde was instead looking at Sasuke Uchiha and running a finger along his lips, which had been touching the raven's only moments ago.

Sasuke's lips had been soft; and he'd kissed gentle. Of course, whoever the writer was had _made_ him kiss gentle, but it had been…well, different…but not really –he'd never really kissed anyone before, so he didn't have much to compare it to…And the one with Sasuke when they were younger, that barely counted, right? He licked his lips and looked to the ground, frowning and wondering if that gentleness really existed inside his old friend.

"What the fuck?" Hidan suddenly exclaimed in astonishment, staring up at the rapidly moving cursor, "What the fuck is Deidara doing with that fucking redhead?"

" –Deidara defected and is about to detonate himself in order to destroy the rest of the Akatsuki," Neji replied coolly, "…He wanted his last moments to be 'a bang', which Gaara has eagerly offered. Pay attention."

"I don't wanna fucking pay attention," Hidan snapped aggressively, "What the fuck, though?"

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy, Hidan?" Itachi remarked with a smirk.

"You're fucking asking for it, Uchiha," Hidan snorted, folding his arms, "When we get back, you're the first fucker I'm sacrificing…"

* * *

"This story doesn't even make sense, yeah –" Deidara complained as sucked harshly at a patch of skin on Gaara's throat. The two of them were shirtless and had previously just been making out; Gaara straddling the blonde. Deidara didn't know exactly what it was, but he wasn't enjoying this…not that he had enjoyed _anything_ with Hidan, of course….

He ran his hair through Gaara's red locks, and couldn't help but notice the similarities to Sasori. The redhead shivered as his hands ghosted down his pale chest and Deidara pushed him onto his back, locking their lips together once more. Gaara didn't really have anything to say either –so it was just making the situation a whole lot more uncomfortable. His hand trailed down between them and his fingers mimicked the teasing trail that Hidan had not so long ago brushed against his entrance.

"…This is weird, yeah…" Deidara grumbled darkly. Gaara gave him a dry look.

Back in the white room, Hidan slammed a fist against the screen; resulting only in hurting his hand. Itachi chuckled with amusement as all of a sudden, the cursor paused once more.

"I want _out of here_!" Hidan snapped, "…How long have we been gone? Kakuzu would look for me, right? Fucking hell; they'll find us?"

"Calm down," Itachi rolled his eyes.

* * *

The first thing Deidara noticed was that it was cold, and there was something dripping nearby. He shivered, clutching at his chest and realising that his hair was loose and he was only wearing his pants. As he looked around, he noticed that Gaara was gone, and in his place were Itachi and Hidan; both lying on the bunk beds, while he was sitting on the slightly larger on in what appeared to be a prison cell.

"I don't even…" he muttered angrily, "Where the fuck did the Kazekage go?"

" –Back to the white room, I assume," Itachi remarked with a shrug, "You should've heard him; he was getting rather jealous."

"I was not fucking jealous –" Hidan was instantly cut off as Itachi got up and began walking over to where Deidara was lounging on the bed quite casually, "OH FUCKING HELL, I'M PRETTY SURE I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING…" Deidara instantly looked very, _very_ concerned, especially when Itachi crawled onto the bed beside him.

"No. No. No-no-no-no –" Deidara's protests were cut off as the Uchiha pushed back his hair and began kissing his neck, already beginning to roll his hips down against the blonde's, "Hidan; what the fuck are you doing, yeah?"

"Do you want me to fucking answer that?" Hidan snapped, averting his eyes as his hand crept into his own pants and began firmly stroking his cock to life. Deidara made an annoyed squeak as he began grinding back against Itachi, who appeared to be smirking quite gleefully, though his eyes were filled with disdain.

"Hey Itachi, maybe you should give him head," Hidan cackled with a snigger.

"Maybe you should finger him until he cums," Itachi shot back quickly, "Oh wait…"

"I am _right here, _yeah!" Deidara glared at the two of them, reaching up and grabbing Itachi's head to draw him in for a hot; forceful kiss as he parted his legs to better accommodate him. Teasingly, Itachi pulled back, lightly trailing his pale hands down the blonde's sensitive, tanned chest; making him shiver. Moving so that Hidan could clearly, see, he began sliding Deidara's pants down his legs –and the blonde was horrified to discover that his body was complying.

The raven leaned down to capture Deidara in a demanding kiss again; slipping his tongue between eagerly awaiting lips as he gripped the blonde's naked cock and began stroking it leisurely. Deidara let out a small, breathy moan in the back of his throat as he gripped Itachi's long black hair needily; his body demanding more. Itachi obligingly deepened the kiss and began pumping harder.

Hidan, removing his pants and still stroking himself, wandered over to the bed, and after sucking on his own fingers, knelt down on the bed on the other side of Deidara. The blonde's eyes widened in horror as a finger tentatively probed at his entrance, but he was unable to say anything as his mouth was occupied with Itachi's tongue. He moaned as Hidan's lips now descended to his neck and began sucking just below his ear as a digit pressed inside him.

" –No…nhnnn…" Deidara groaned, gasping as he felt the familiar intrusion inside him, bucking up against Itachi's hand and then grinding down on the finger penetrating him.

"Fucking hell…" Hidan growled, "…You stay the fuck away from me, Itachi!" No sooner had he said this than Itachi's free hand gripped him by the back of the neck and pulled him forwards into a hot, sloppy kiss that Hidan quickly dominated. Deidara looked up at the two men pleasuring him and couldn't withhold a moan as Hidan's second finger grazed his prostate. The digits thrusting inside him began scissoring and stretching him and he whimpered slightly. Hidan pulled back and viciously latched his teeth against Itachi's neck, eliciting a small, feral growl from the raven.

All of a sudden, Hidan roughly pulled back, shoving Itachi from the bed and clambering on top of Deidara and kissing him passionately. Before Itachi even hit the floor, his figure had blurred and he was transported away, leaving the two of them alone in the cell.

"…What just happened?" Hidan growled, grinding their erections together.

" –The two of you just fucking molested me, yeah!" Deidara snapped, running his hands down Hidan's back roughly and forcing him to roll his hips harder as the bigger man withdrew his fingers, " –W-what are you doing –" he added, as he suddenly felt something a lot thicker nudge against his entrance.

"Are you really fucking asking me that?" Hidan snapped, his cheeks actually flushing a little red as he averted his eyes, feeling the head of his cock push against that tight ring of muscles, "Listen Deidara –fucking relax…"

"_HOW CAN I RELAX_?" Deidara exclaimed, his eyes widening and suddenly looking very nervous. He cringed in pain as he slowly felt the bigger man entering him, and his eyes began to water. It was uncomfortable and painful…and strangely…

…Strangely good…

Hidan was panting as he hovered over the tense Deidara, his cock completed encased in the blonde, who seemed incapable of meeting his eyes; though his gaze looked strangely upset.

"What's the fucking problem?" Hidan growled, breathing heavily and trying to _not_ think about how good it felt to have his cock clenched by something so tight.

"…I…I just didn't think that…this…" Deidara managed to whisper out.

" –What are you talking about?" Hidan rolled his eyes, "…It's not like you're a vir…" He stopped mid-sentence and his eyes widened in understanding as Deidara actually _blushed_, "Holy fuck, you are, aren't you?"

"Shut up!" Deidara snapped, "…I never found the occasion, yeah…"

"Shit," Hidan muttered, giving an experimental thrust and causing the blonde to cry out in pain, "…Fuck…So I'm your first –_holy fuck…_" Deidara immediately averted his eyes again and clenched them tightly shut as the bigger man pulled back and began thrusting shallowly to try and stretch him out a bit more. He winced, wrapping his arms around Hidan's broad shoulders and trying to avoid thinking about it.

All of a sudden, as Hidan gave a sharp thrust, he moaned from something other than pain as his prostate was struck. His entire body arched as he moaned loudly and Hidan pushed his legs back to give himself more room –taking this as the signal to begin pounding into the blonde.

It didn't take long for Deidara to be a quivering wreck of moans as he actually began to enjoy the way Hidan was making him feel –the sharp bursts of pleasure with every thrust and the feeling of something hot and thick inside him.

"…This is so fucking gay…" Hidan grunted, sweat beading on his forehead as he drove his cock hard into Deidara and watched his face light up with pleasure. He couldn't quite convince himself that it didn't feel amazing, and leaned down to capture the blonde's abused lips with his. Deidara moaned loudly; his hair splaying out across the bed wildly as the whole frame began to creak with the force that he was being pounded.

"…Nhhnn…_Uhhhnnnn…Hidan…_" he moaned, gripping his shoulders tightly and growing bolder; matching the thrusts of the bigger man.

" –Stop…fucking…hnnn…moaning…my name…" Hidan grunted, both hating and loving the breathy, lusty sounds the blonde was making. He gave a particularly hard thrust and Deidara just cried out, flinging back his head as Hidan pulled out and forced the blonde onto all fours; his face pressed against the mattress as he began brutally pounding into him once more; gripping his thin hips hard.

"…I'm…gonna…" Deidara began trying to say, but the rest of his sentence was suddenly cut off by a long moan as he suddenly came explosively across the mattress; his whole upper body falling forward limply as his limbs became too overcome with pleasure to support himself. He groaned again upon hearing Hidan give a long moan as he reached his own release; unable to bear the tightening of the blonde's inner walls around his cock.

Deidara suddenly felt something warm filling his insides as Hidan gave several sharp thrusts to ride out his orgasm before pulling out and immediately falling directly off the bed to lie naked on the cold floor. Feeling something leaking from his ass, Deidara rolled onto his back and lay there panting heavily; his entire body feeling overcome with euphoria. He didn't quite feel as disgusted or as dirty as he thought he should've, and as he looked down to the floor where an exhausted Hidan was struggling to comprehend what had just happened, he noticed, strangely, that the elder man actually was rather...sexy.

* * *

"…Wow," Kisame remarked flatly, blinking in shock at what he had just read, "…Itachi, I think you got out of there just in time…" Itachi nodded and swallowed with a shudder, touching the bite mark that Hidan had left upon his neck. The white room began to flicker.

"Oh fucking hell," Itachi grumbled irritably, giving his partner a foul look in the instant before he disappeared. Kisame chuckled to himself, only to discover that the younger Uchiha was glaring at him coldly.

"…Do not even _think_ about disrespecting the Uchiha like that…" Sasuke growled at Kisame, and the blue man smirked, showing his teeth.

"…I would never…" he remarked toothily, as he too began to blur and fade as the cursor began typing once more. Sasuke averted his eyes, turning back to face the screen, ignoring the way that Naruto –idiotic as he was –was staring at the screen; completely aghast at what he had read.

* * *

Itachi immediately did not want to open his eyes. He could smell something delicious wafting up from nearby and was immediately incredibly apprehensive. Admitting to himself that he was going to have to deal with this sometime or other, he sighed heavily and slowly opened his eyes, looking around at his surroundings.

"…Oh you've got to be kidding me."

* * *

**What's in store next? A touch of cross-dressing, a bit of a flamboyant Itachi, more NejiGaa, and a special guest appearance! Not to mention some more strange situations and uncomfortable encounters! Review and stay tuned!  
Also, apologies for the minimal DeiGaa; don't really ship so wasn't all too sure how to write... **

**xx K**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry that this chapter is a bit longer :) Yes, it contains the SasuNaru that should've been in the last one xD Same rules with Italics apply! Enjoy**

* * *

_It was opening at the Cupcake Factory, and Itachi Uchiha was already being run off his feet; it was Valentine's Day after all! Everyone wanted gifts, and gift wrapping, and booking tables for sweet lunches, and it was getting completely hectic. The entire shop-café was decked out in pink, red and white and Itachi had _insisted_ that all employees wear pink aprons and ribbons in their hair in celebration of the occasion. He just _loved_ Valentine's Day. _

_"Deidara, will you _please_ stop texting on the job?" Itachi inquired lightly, smoothing out his pink apron, "And tie your hair back; we can't have our customers worried about our food hygiene…" _

_" –But Itachi…" _

_"I don't care if you're organising something with Sasori; it can wait until your break," the Uchiha sniffed, "We are here to make everyone _else's_ Valentine's dreams come true!" _

_" –You're just angry because Kisame hasn't made any plans with you…" Deidara sniffed, tucking his phone away. _

_"Kisame doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day," Itachi reminded him, beginning to arrange some roses for the men who had indeed forgotten that it was Valentine's Day, "He never has, so I don't expect him to do anything –" _

_"But you _want_ him to do something_," _Deidara teased, "…Last year Sasori took me to _such_ a romantic mountain retreat…and the sex…" _

_"Well, excuse me if my boyfriend isn't into big romantic gestures…" Itachi muttered, a trace of disappointment seeping into his voice. He loved Valentine's Day; he thought it was a beautiful tradition where people showed each other how much they really loved one another. This would be his fourth Valentine's Day with Kisame, and probably the fourth where he would try and do something nice, like cook him his favourite meal for dinner, only to end up with his boyfriend watching basketball on TV, when all Itachi really wanted to do was snuggle up with him and watch cheesy romantic comedies. _

_" –Itachi, we just got a phone order for like two dozen roses," Deidara remarked from the phone. _

_"Two dozen…" Itachi sighed heavily, nodding, "Okay, got it…" He headed over and began laboriously picking out twenty-four of the roses to put together in a bunch. Since there were too many for the front counter, he was forced to head back into the staffroom to begin arranging them. _

_About half an hour later, he emerged and his mouth dropped open. _

_" –Deidara…where are all the rose petals…" he inquired flatly. _

_" –Oh, some guy came in and bought a whole bunch," the blonde shrugged, "…It _is_ Valentine's Day, Itachi…Oh, and Kisame called –said that he'll be working late so don't wait up." Itachi wanted to cry; just a little bit. _

_"Oh, that man is impossible," he sniffed crossly, folding his arms and pouting, "…Just one day a year –well, apart from our anniversary, but he doesn't even really put a lot of effort into _that_ either!" Deidara just chuckled at the put out look on Itachi's face. _

_It was six o'clock and it was starting to get dark when Itachi finally made his way back to his apartment. Sasori had come to pick up Deidara, and he had been too sweet; sweeping the blonde up in his arms and kissing him and presenting him with a pink rose –Deidara _adored_ pink…Lee was the only one left at the shop; he'd probably be handing out the leftover cupcakes and chocolates to the lonely hearts in bars and left at the mall –he thought that everyone deserved a bit of love on a day like this. _

_His apartment was dark and he sighed. _

_All of a sudden, he heard something; _music? _Turning on the lights to investigate, he stared, his mouth falling open as he found a trail of rose petals leading from his front door all the way to the kitchen, where he found his own boyfriend waiting there for him; dinner cooked and presented; candles and all. _

_Itachi's mouth fell open and Kisame grinned up at him as he got up; a bouquet of two dozen roses in his hands. _

_"Happy Valentine's Day, Itachi," he greeted, kissing his boyfriend gently on the lips. _

_"…What…what…" _

_"I cooked you your favourite," Kisame explained, ushering Itachi over to the table and forcing him to sit, "…And I rented_ "Love, Actually", "The Notebook" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"_ so you choose which one we watch after dinner…" His words were cut off as Itachi dragged him down by his tie and kissed him deeply before releasing him and looking a little flushed. _

_"You did all this?" he breathed, "Wait, did Deidara know about this?" _

_"…Maybe…" Kisame grinned, taking the seat across the table, "…I was actually wanting to ask you something?" _

_"Hmm?" Itachi inquired, beginning his dinner. _

_" –Well, I was wondering…if you would consider moving in with me?" _

_Itachi froze, his mouth dropping open. Kisame was just casually cutting up his dinner, but was smirking a little. _

_"Are you serious?" _

_"We've been together over three years, and you do practically live with me anyway…" his boyfriend shrugged, "It just seemed logical…and I know how much you love the cheesy romantic stuff, so I thought that today –" _

_"Yes," Itachi replied instantly, "…We are having so much sex tonight…Although, _after"My Big Fat Greek Wedding_", Nia Vardalos is fabulous –" Kisame just chuckled low in his throat, "Kisame, what did I ever do to deserve you?" _

_"…I was about to ask you something similar; but then I got distracted by the ribbon in your hair…" he admitted dryly. _

_"What? Ribbons are totally in this season," Itachi sniffed, "And red goes so well with my skin tone…" _

_"…Well, that does lead to the next part of my present," Kisame admitted with a small grin, "…We're going shopping tomorrow, I know how much you love shopping –" Itachi practically squealed. _

"I can't fucking read this anymore…" Hidan declared, spinning away from the screen, "I just can't! This is so fucking embarrassing that I don't even think I can make fun of Itachi for it!"

* * *

_I'm thinking about touchin' it_

_Kissing her in public_

_But baby got me fumblin' _

_Stumblin' and mumblin'_

_She got me wonderin'_

_If I should get her number then_

_She just looked up at me and said… _

"Are those fucking song lyrics?" (1)

Neji hoped he was in some terrible, terrible nightmare, and _not_ pressed up against a _very_ naked Kazekage who was pressed up against a dirty bathroom wall. He was still back at the training grounds with Sakura and Ino and Tenten, where his cock was _not_ encased inside another man.

Unfortunately, it was not some nightmare; this was reality. He was _fucking_ the Kazekage in a dirty public bathroom of a seedy club. What his family was going to think if anyone ever found out…Gaara gave a low moan and a wince as Neji thrust into him again harshly. They had been in a club…and Neji had spotted Gaara dancing on the floor…and now here they were…

Neither of them was able to speak; Gaara being pounded too viciously against the wall and Neji trying to ignore the pleasure that was coursing through his system with every contraction of the redhead's inner walls. His long, brown hair was unbound and flowing freely as he gripped pale hips tightly and forced them back against his own; driving hard into Gaara.

"Isn't…Isn't this a song?" Neji managed to grunt out, sweat beading on his forehead from exertion; added to by the fact that he was still practically completely clothed.

"I…Don't…Care…" Gaara groaned through gritted teeth, "Just…get…it…over…with…" Each word was fractured by several of Neji's sharp thrusts into his prostate and he began stroking himself; desperately seeking release. Neji roughly wrenched his head back; sucking harshly at his neck and sharply spanking his ass. Gaara moaned at the sting and the shock at being struck, but this was enough to send him reeling over the edge and cumming violently against the already disgusting wall. Neji only lasted a few more thrusts against Gaara's no-longer virgin ass before reaching his own release deep inside him.

They remained panting there for a long moment before Neji was forced to spin around the shaking Kazekage and press him up against the wall again; kissing him deeply.

Gaara tasted like cigarettes and alcohol, and his eye makeup was smudged; piercings adorning his ears and his cheeks looking thoroughly flushed and embarrassed. Neji's tongue delved deep into his mouth, and though Gaara felt quite psychologically exhausted, he found himself unable to stop himself from kissing back.

Honestly, he never thought he would lose his virginity like this; he'd never really given it much thought at all…certainly he did _not_ think that it would be with an almost-random _male_ ninja, but Neji had been very supportive, and for the most part the writers had been gentle. He felt like he'd just been split in two, but thankfully the Hyuuga was able to support him with his strong arms.

As they kissed, Neji opened his eyes to find that Gaara was looking back up at him, with something…other than pain…in his eyes. Was it trust? Gaara didn't say too much, but Neji had just known that the Kazekage had been nervous from the moment they had spotted each other in the club. Now, as he held the smaller man in his arms…he felt a strange sense of protectiveness washing over him.

Suddenly, he was dragging Gaara towards the back door that led out of the bathroom, and they exited –Gaara still naked –out onto the street, where Neji instantly pushed the redhead up against a car, wrapping his legs tightly around his waist.

"…It's…It's going to be okay…" Neji assured him, gritting his teeth as he began grinding up against him harshly; feeling his cock growing to life once more. Gaara just closed his eyes in acceptance, drawing the Hyuuga back in for another kiss.

* * *

_"Sasuke…are you sure this is the only uniform you had left?" Naruto asked, blushing fiercely as he exited the bathroom in the Uchiha manor where he'd been told to change into his new uniform. After looking for a job for weeks without success, and his rent overdue, he'd been relieved that Sasuke Uchiha, one of the guys from the same college as him, was offering up a cleaning job._

_What he had _not_ been expecting was the less-than decent female maid's outfit he was suddenly supposed to wear. He tugged on the short black dress in the hope that it would cover him a little bit more, but all that happened was that the back rode up a bit more. _

_"I'm sure we'll get around to getting you a new one," Sasuke assured him with a smug glint in his eyes, "You can begin with scrubbing the floor of the foyer; my parents recently had a party and it needs a good clean…" Anything to keep that delicious piece of ass on his hands and knees…._

_"Yes, sir…" Naruto mumbled crossly, hating the long socks he was forced to wear and the ridiculous little apron; what kind of people had this as a _uniform_? How impractical could you be? He tugged at the dress again as he headed over to the cupboard where Sasuke had earlier informed him that the cleaning supplies were held. He eyed the floor and decided that before scrubbing, it could definitely use a quick sweep. _

_Sasuke took up a spot in the lounge that looked directly into the foyer, and set himself up with a book so as to observe the blonde without looking too suspicious. Ever since he'd first laid eyes on the other man in gym class one day, he'd been desperate to find a way to get him alone –he was always with that awful mutt, Kiba –and when he'd heard that Naruto was looking for a job…well, he'd been happy to oblige. _

_Looking up over his book, he noticed that the blonde had put in some headphones and was grooving along to the music on his Ipod as he swept; a view that Sasuke rather appreciated; the skimpy dress flicking up every time he waggled his hips. Sasuke noted with glee that Naruto had also decided that it was necessary to put on the rather small pair of underwear that Sasuke had provided –since his own would have looked even more ridiculous with the uniform. _

_As the hour wore on, Naruto decided that sweeping was over, and that it was time he got down to business with the scrubbing –there were quite a few scuff marks on the white tiles, and they were definitely going to require a bit of work. With a sigh, he headed off to fill up a bucket. _

_Sasuke almost felt a nosebleed coming on when he looked up from his book to see Naruto on his hands and knees scrubbed vigorously at the tiles; his ass in the air and practically exposed. The raven licked his lips; god, Naruto knew how to be an unwitting tease, didn't he? His mind filled with perverted thoughts of just walking up and grabbing a handful of that ass, he decided that perhaps, it was a better idea to spend a bit of time _away_ from such a drool-worthy sight. _

_Naruto's ass wiggled in the air invitingly and Sasuke sighed heavily, getting up from his spot; concealing a half-hard cock. He was just heading through to the kitchen, when Naruto happened to straighten up, unaware that he was there. _

_The result was that he crashed straight into Sasuke, sending him plummeting to the floor and ending up straddling the raven's lap. _

_"I –I'm sorry, I didn't see you," he stammered, fidgeting a little and trying to arrange his dress so that it covered as much of him as possible. He froze immediately as he felt something brushing up against _something_ under his dress –was that something _rubbing between his ass cheeks_? He was about to hotly scold Sasuke for being a pervert when he shivered in slight pleasure and realised that it was actually _him_ that had trapped Sasuke's hand underneath him. _

_"Do you mind?" Sasuke inquired flatly, shifting his hand a little more and causing Naruto to immediately scramble off him in embarrassment, muttering many apologies as the raven smugly headed off to the kitchen. He chuckled to himself as his cleverness at having been able to sneak a grope of the blonde –who had apparently even liked it a little bit… _

Itachi sighed heavily at what he was reading. Why did they assume that his little brother was such a pervert? He continued to read on; pitying Naruto Uzumaki a little as he was forced to endure not-so-subtle advances from his brother; a sexually inappropriate comment here; an 'accidental' grope there…It didn't help that he was reading through Sasuke's eyes; reading how he was supposedly feeling; wanting to molest said blonde –putting him in a ridiculous outfit…

And then he found himself written in.

"Itachi, what are you doing here?" Naruto exclaimed suddenly, snapping to attention and averting his eyes guiltily as he continued with his dusting of the bookcase in the study, "I…This is making me really uncomfortable…Sasuke keeps…touching me…" Itachi sighed, passing a hand across his eyes and taking a seat on the couch; inviting Naruto to join him. The blonde looked visibly relieved.

"I'm sure we'll figure out this jutsu soon enough," the raven assured him flatly, "Until then, we just have to bear with it…"

"Itachi?" Naruto suddenly inquired curiously, "…Do you think…that everything in these stories happens because it's written?"

"Explain?"

" –Well…it's just…that in all these; Sasuke…the darkness in him…there just doesn't seem to be as much," Naruto muttered, "…I was just wondering if anything in this is real." Itachi pondered for a moment and laid a friendly hand on Naruto's thigh.

"Our thoughts and our feelings are," he replied, and then Naruto began to realise that the hand on his leg wasn't just friendly after all as Itachi's face crept closer to his. His hands slowly reached up and wrapped around the elder Uchiha's neck as their lips met softly, Itachi's hand trailing up under his dress and cupping his crotch; his slender fingers gently rubbing against him.

Itachi's tongue crept into Naruto's mouth, drawing the blonde's own out to play as he slowly manoeuvred himself between said blonde's legs; pressing him back against the couch. Naruto needily ground up against Itachi's hand, feeling himself beginning to harden.

" –Itachi, what do you think you're doing to him?" Sasuke's haughty voice suddenly inquired darkly from the doorway and the two broke apart to look over at him; Naruto blushing.

"…You've been molesting him for the majority of this story," Itachi reminded him flatly, pulling off his shirt, as Sasuke's legs carried him over to the couch. Naruto suddenly began to get a _very_, _very _bad feeling about this as Itachi pulled off his underwear and then seated him in his lap so they were at right angles. Sasuke, pulling off his shirt, settled himself on the couch and pried Naruto's legs apart.

"…Unhand him, Itachi…" Sasuke growled darkly.

" –I don't have a choice in this, little, brother," Itachi replied coolly, smirking when he heard a slight trace of possessiveness seep in Sasuke's voice. Itachi dipped his head, beginning to suck almost lovingly at Naruto's tanned neck while his strong hands easily tore open the top of Naruto's dress; revealing his chest. Pale fingers slid down his tanned chest, pinching both nipples and eliciting a very real gasp from the sensitive blonde.

Sasuke, with angry, annoyed eyes, leaned up and captured Naruto in a hot kiss; tongue forcing itself between shocked lips and kissing with almost bruising force. Unable to choke down a moan, he groaned throatily, feeling Itachi beginning to pinch his nipples to full erectness as Sasuke's fingers ghosted up beneath his dress and began tracing seductive lines along his inner thighs.

Naruto tried to clamp his legs shut tightly, but Sasuke was apparently having none of that; pinning his legs open and leaving his pink entrance and half-hard cock completely exposed. He ran pale hands up Naruto's thighs, feeling the blonde shudder at his touch and deepened the kiss aggressively, roughly dragging him from Itachi's lap and causing his dress to ride up. Itachi immediately snatched Naruto's lips from Sasuke and began kissing him once more as the younger Uchiha began trailing his tongue down Naruto's chest, experimentally sucking on three of his own fingers as he gave a sharp thrust up against Naruto's exposed entrance.

The blonde moaned again, but this turned to a wince and his eyes widened as he realised that whatever was prodding _down there_ was actually one of Sasuke's fingers.

" –Naruto, just focus on something else…" Itachi advised in a low tone between soft kisses, rubbing his hands soothingly down the blonde's chest, "Relax –"

" –How can I relax when –hnnn –no; _Sasuke_…" Naruto complained, clenching his eyes tightly as he felt something begin to penetrate him. Itachi noted that neither could look each other in the face, and that Naruto was already beginning to pant heavily; his face scrunched up in pain as Sasuke added another finger already; determined to stretch him.

" –Sasuke…" Itachi tried to stay.

" –Stay out of this, Itachi –" Sasuke growled, "I _will_ come for you and kill you when we get out of this…" He curled his fingers inside Naruto and the blonde let out a soft moan, followed by a whimper as he began shoving his fingers deeper into him; seeking that spot again.

Naruto couldn't quite deal with what was happening. First, there was Itachi stroking him softly and kissing him gently; and then there was Sasuke handling him roughly but slowly building the pleasure inside him. Tears beaded in his eyes –tears that there was someone out there that was using them like this –and tears for the fact that this was only going to serve to drive Sasuke further from him when they finally made it back to reality.

Itachi wrapped a hand around Naruto's now fully hard, neglected cock and began pumping it in time with Sasuke's thrusting digits. The blonde wrapped an arm around each of the Uchiha's neck and pulled them in close; feeling both pairs of lips attach to different sides of his neck and begin sucking hickeys into his sensitive skin. One of Naruto's hands then slid around to Itachi's chest and began sliding down to his crotch. Sasuke's eyes lit up in anger as he watched; his body helpless to do anything as Naruto began palming his brother through his jeans.

Naruto was flushed and panting; sweaty and exposed in his ruined dress as Sasuke continued to abuse his prostate; he'd never had anyone touch him _there_ –and he really had never considered it; but at this point in time, his mind wasn't thinking all too clearly –and his lust-glazed mind seemed to think that if it was Sasuke…maybe it was okay?

All of a sudden, Itachi and Sasuke both glared at one another and something in the atmosphere changed –it became tense…and determined. Itachi grabbed Naruto, removing Sasuke's fingers with a low pop and turned him so that his back was pressed against his pale chest, two of his fingers filling the space inside the blonde. Sasuke, not to be outdone, straddled the blonde and as he began to kiss him, began rolling his hips and clothed erection against Naruto's.

"Hnn…oh god…Sasuke…" Naruto moaned, feeling Itachi's fingers scissor inside him and then brutally drive against his prostate. All he could do was cling to Sasuke's shoulders; hands entwining through raven locks and gripping them tightly as his old friend ground against him; causing friction against his hot erection and forcing him to grind back down on Itachi's fingers even harder.

All of a sudden, Naruto threw back his head with a loud cry as he came; both Uchihas leaning forward to claim the hickey-riddled skin of his neck with harsh kisses; Itachi feeling his inner walls clench tightly around his fingers. The blonde fell limp against them, his hands still clutching at Sasuke's hair as his eyes glazed over in pleasure; still lost in the sensation of lips upon him; in him; around him, and the feeling of two erections pressed against him. His whole body felt hypersensitive and he found that he couldn't stop shaking.

Sasuke looked down at the panting, flushed blonde underneath him and felt a surge of anger at seeing the marks that Itachi had left upon Naruto. Itachi had already taken _everything_ from him –what right did he have to claim Naruto too? Naruto was _his_ to kill and do with as he pleased –and he would _not_ allow Itachi to take whatever he liked. He glared at his brother, and found that Itachi was already smirking at him, knowingly, as if reading his mind.

"Don't worry, little brother…" he chuckled with a low smirk, "…He's all yours."

Sasuke didn't have time to wonder at that statement because the study began to blur and while Naruto was whisked back to the white room to huddle in a corner and wonder what was going on; Sasuke entered into a completely new story.

* * *

"…How you feeling…" Naruto was surprised to see that Deidara was limping over to see him in the corner as Gaara also headed over to stand protectively over his friend.

"I…I don't know…" he admitted, rubbing his neck and wincing when it still felt sensitive. It hurt a little to sit, but he felt that standing would prove to be just as uncomfortable.

" –Well, look on the bright side; you haven't been fucked in the ass yet, yeah," the other blonde admitted dryly, "…And I say 'yet' because it's going to happen unless we get out of here."

"I agree…" Gaara rumbled with a frown, noticing that Neji had vanished as well, "…Naruto…are you…are you also…"

"A virgin?" Naruto coughed, "…Yeah…"

"Well that makes three of us…" Deidara muttered, jerking a thumb over his shoulder, "…Until _that_ asshole decided to fucking half-rape me…"

"_I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, I COULDN'T HELP IT!_" Hidan shouted back aggressively, "_YOU LITTLE SHIT; QUIT SAYING IT WAS RAPE OR NEXT TIME IT FUCKING WILL BE_!"

"…So there's going to be a _next time_, is there, Hidan?" Kisame chuckled with a smirk.

"_YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, KISAME_…"

"…Was it bad…did it hurt?" Naruto inquired, his voice sounding a little nervous.

"…I was in a prison –with a jackass I hate," Deidara snorted.

" –I was in a disgusting bathroom and then up against a random car with a man I barely know…" Gaara reminded him solemnly. The two of them exchanged glances and sighed heavily.

" –It'll be fine," Gaara assured him, looking up at the nearest screen to see what was going to happen next.

"…Unless it's with Kisame…" Hidan cackled, "…Itachi'll be able to vouch for how big his cock –"

"…You shut your mouth, Hidan, or I'll get Kakuzu to sew it up; and you know he'd do it," Itachi threatened darkly, which caused Hidan's mouth to snap shut cheekily. Naruto frowned, his eyes softening as he wondered if Sasuke was at all worried that after what had just happened, maybe…they'd be forced to do other things before they managed to escape.

However, at that point in time, Sasuke was too busy being annoyed at his current situation...

* * *

**(1) ****_Get U Home, _****by Shwayze  
Hope you enjoyed; still more to come! Got a few more chapters in mind; ****_yes_**** they do end up making it out of this situation... But not just yet! Hope you review and look forward to more! **

**xx K**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's a bit late: hope you enjoy; lemon warning; only two more chapters to go after this one!**

* * *

_It happened almost as if in slow motion._

_Neji turned, discarding his towel, and laid a foot to lever himself into the bath. Too late, he felt the slipperiness of the soap beneath his foot, and too late to stop the transfer of weight, he went lurching forward and tumbled into the bath._

_The brunette surfaced with a breathy gasp to the sound of hysterical laughter, and the blood-freezing knowledge that whatever his chest was pressed against was not the stone wall of the bath. He blinked several times to clear away the water, and as he pulled back and peered through his hair, he discovered that he was looking at toned, pale skin. With one hand, he pulled back the hair that had fallen across his face and looked up; right into the incredibly amused face of one Sasuke Uchiha._

_Neji felt as though he must've hit his head somewhere on the way down, or inhaled too much water, because his thought processes did not seem at optimal running speed. Proof of this was that it took him a good several seconds of awkward staring amidst hysterical laughter to realise that he was pressed between the Uchiha's legs with his arms either side of the other man. It took another few seconds for him to accept that he had just had his face pressed against that toned chest, and another few to process that no; he wasn't in some terrible nightmare._

_When all three of those facts had gone through central processing and had allowed for output, he wrenched himself away with a loud cry, and as a response, had gone reeling back under the water. With his hair all over his face, he could barely decipher up from down, so when a hand reached down from above and yanked him into air, he let it happen; until he lost his balance, and for a third, time, fell._

_"You sure are ungraceful today, Neji," Sasuke teased in that purr that Neji hated. In was only when he realised these words were being murmured right into his ear that he let out a defeated groan; finally noticing that he was settled on flesh, rather than stone. Sasuke Uchiha had been his saviour from the bath, and he had tumbled into his lap, back pressed against that chest again. He shifted uncomfortably and felt something that was definitely different from legs rub against the crease between his ass cheeks._

_Immediately, he removed himself from the Uchiha, who then proceeded to join in the laughter. He glared around the bath as he finally took a seat, ringing out his hair as the room quieted to sniggers under his glare._

_"Oh, I suppose this is very funny to you," he snapped._

_"…Obviously," Shikamaru remarked, and that set them all off again. Neji tried to ignore it for a moment, and then had to admit that the entire situation was completely absurd, and couldn't help it; he laughed along with the rest of them; definitely surprising everyone in the room._

_Sasuke looked at Neji and couldn't help but think that maybe, if the Hyuuga just laughed a bit more; he might not be quite so bad. _(1)

* * *

Naruto was about to burst out laughing at Neji's misfortune; a bit of a light-hearted moment to break the worry that had been nagging at him –but that was until he realised that he had suddenly been transported back into one of the awful stories and was now in a rather comfortable, nicely warm bed.

He rolled over and instantly gave a wild yell of astonishment when he realised that there was someone else in the bed with him, and that other person was Sasuke.

And they were both naked. It was almost as if his body was reacting normally this time, because he hurriedly wriggled backwards in horror, clinging to the sheets as he did so; tearing away from the embrace the raven had held him in. Unfortunately, he reached the edge of the bed and went plummeting off the bed, dragging the sheets with him. His resulting shriek and ungainly fall appeared to wake Sasuke, who looked incredibly irritated at having been disturbed. He looked over onto the floor with bleary eyes and rolled his eyes, leaping out of bed as if horrified.

_"What the fuck are you doing in my bed_?" _Sasuke exclaimed in an angry growl, snatching up some of the sheets and wrapping them around himself. _

_"Don't ask me!" Naruto complained, rubbing his lower back, "…Shit…why do I hurt so much…" His eyes widened in horror as he connected his back pain with the fact that the two of them both happened to be naked. _

_"This is not –no; what happened?" Naruto shouted, causing Sasuke to clutch at his head in annoyance; wincing at the sound, "What happened last night –I don't…_did you rape me_?" _

_"I did not _rape_ you…" Sasuke snapped aggressively, "Nothing –I'm sure nothing…" _

_All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door. _

_" –Sasuke, though I'm glad that you and Naruto are finally up," Itachi's voice called out in amusement, "…I must say I'm surprised; you were up quite late…" Sasuke wrenched open the door crossly. _

_"Fuck you, Itachi…" he snapped irritably. _

_" –Naruto, your brother's here to pick you up," Itachi informed the blonde, "You apparently called him last night and told him that you were staying here. He was a bit confused because apparently all you do at home is bitch about Sasuke –" _

_"Kyuubi's here?" Naruto exclaimed in horror, scrambling around for his clothes, "…Itachi, you've got to stall him for me! He can't see me like that –he'll think…" _

_"He'll think what?" a deep voice rumbled darkly from around the corner and Naruto let out a small 'eep' of horror halfway through grabbing his shirt as a tall redhead appeared in the doorway with a raised eyebrow and folded arms. "That you and the little Uchiha were having raging sex all night –now what would I think of that?" _

_"Don't be such a hypocrite!" Naruto exclaimed, "You think I don't hear you secretly fucking Itachi every other night? And you totally stayed here last night! You were wearing those clothes yesterday!" _

_"What?" Sasuke growled hotly, "Itachi –" _

_"I can explain –" Kyuubi protested, holding up his hands defensively as Sasuke rounded on his elder brother. Itachi just gave a sudden squeal and wrapped his arms around Kyuubi's neck. _

_"Finally, they both know!" Itachi chortled in delight. Kyuubi facepalmed dramatically. _

_"Naruto, grab your clothes," he sighed, and then looked cheeky, "…So who topped?" _

_"Kyuubi!" Naruto exclaimed hotly, a blush crossing his features. _

_"It was totally Sasuke, wasn't it?" Itachi grumbled, kissing Kyuubi on the neck affectionately. _

_" –Your dad will be so proud to hear that at least _one_ of his sons tops…" Kyuubi chuckled, grabbing Itachi's ass suggestively. _

_"You guys are gross!" Naruto complained, snatching up his clothes and struggling to get dressed whilst maintaining his dignity and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his lower back, "I should've just pretended I didn't know…" _

_"Does father know about this?" Sasuke inquired flatly. _

_"…No…" Itachi shrugged, "But how's mother going to feel when I tell her that her baby boy got himself drunk off his face and made sweet, sweet love to her favourite blonde?" _

_"We did _not_ make –" Sasuke blushed, unable to look his brother in the eye, "You wouldn't tell mother, would you?" _

_"Wouldn't I?" Itachi inquired mischievously as Naruto snuck out past him to glare at his elder brother before heading downstairs. _

_"Now, now…" Kyuubi laughed, wrapping an arm around Itachi's lithe waist, "No squabbling…But Sasuke…let me make it quite clear that if you hurt my little brother, there will be _terrible_ consequences…and if he tells me that you took advantage of him…well…" He was smiling brightly, but Sasuke saw the danger in his glinting eyes. He left the sentence hanging and graced Itachi with a hot kiss on the lips in farewell. _

_" –Hey, Naruto…" the redhead hollered as he caught up with his brother in the living room, "…So, how was it? Must've been pretty good; we heard you from Itachi's room…" Naruto looked thoroughly embarrassed, "…Totally cockblocked me by the way; we found it just too weird having sex while we could hear our little brothers going at it like wild things –Sasuke likes it rough, right?" _

_"_I am not talking about this_!" Naruto exclaimed hotly, about to storm out, only to have his brother embrace him warmly. "We were both _very _drunk and…" _

_" –So, which of us is going to tell mom and dad that you swing the same way as me?" Kyuubi cackled gleefully. _

_"I AM NOT GAY!" Naruto protested crossly. _

_" –Sure, you're not," his brother shrugged, leading him towards the car, "…You were both just very drunk; didn't know what you were doing…" _

_"Exactly!" _

_"…Well, for someone _not gay_, you sure sounded like you enjoyed having Sasuke's cock jammed up your ass_!"

* * *

"N-No! Hidan! Stop it!" Deidara moaned, fidgeting as Hidan began palming his cock over his pants as they sat in what appeared to be a studio room, apparently hosting a radio show. Hidan pressed his lips to Deidara's and ravaged them thoroughly; all whilst in the presence of a clearly bored Sasori.

"…I apologise for my co-hosts," he was saying dryly, "They just started making out again; I'm Sasori and this is _Akatsuki Live_. Hidan and Deidara, would you please keep your hands off each other? In recent news, tonight we sent our new Temp on a date with _Word on the Street_'s head writer; one Naruto Uzumaki. We have writers on the scene, so be prepared for an exclusive in next week's issue." Sasori looked over at Hidan and Deidara in exasperation as Hidan dragged an apparently unwilling Deidara into his lap and began making out with him even more fiercely. He sighed heavily.

"…Due to Itachi's policy on employees not using the staff bathroom for sex, my idiot co-hosts are forced to deal with their repressed sexual tension in my presence," Sasori informed the audience.

"_I am not an idiot_!" both Hidan and Deidara snarled automatically.

"This fucking sucks…" Hidan grumbled aggressively.

" –Sasori is broadcasting that we're making out, yeah!" Deidara snapped, "_Stop molesting me, Hidan_! Why are you always fucking molesting me?"

"People seem to think I'm some kind of fucking pervert…." Hidan growled back. (2)

* * *

Kisame sucked harshly at the crook of Itachi's neck as he gripped his ass tightly; spreading his ass cheeks wide as he began to lower him onto the tip of his cock. He felt the Uchiha cringe, but that was the only reaction he got from him. Kisame gritted his teeth, clenching his eyes shut tightly Itachi began slowly sinking down onto him. This wasn't the first time he'd been with a man; but usually, with most men, and even some women, penetration was pretty much as far as it got –they all had too much trouble adjusting to his massive size.

Itachi was struggling to fight back tears of pain. He'd spent the last while with three of Kisame's massive, lubed fingers deep inside him; determined to stretch him –but all the preparation in the world couldn't have prepared him for the huge length that was slowly filling. His arms were gripping the blue man's neck tightly but trying not to give any indication of how much he was hurting.

"…Relax…Itachi…" Kisame grunted, feeling the Uchiha shudder as he was finally seated in his partner's lap; completely sheathed around an enormous erection.

"I…I'm fine…" Itachi hated the way his voice shook slightly. He fidgeted a little, trying to adjust, or get comfortable, or _something_. He'd known that Kisame was unbelievably large…but having him inside him made him realise just how much he had misjudged. Kisame pulled Itachi back by his ponytail and pressed a gentle, hot kiss to his lips –almost apologetically –before bucking his hips up once.

Itachi shuddered and collapsed against Kisame's chest, suddenly beginning to raise himself and lower back down; impaling himself on that massive cock over and over again. Kisame let out a low grunt, feeling Itachi's tight walls grip his cock greedily and cause incredibly pleasurable friction. As Itachi began riding him, he clutched at the back of the raven's head and forced him to look into his eyes.

There was something unbearably intimate about the way they were forced to lock eyes; Itachi rolling his hips and letting out small, breathy gasps as he felt himself being stretched impossibly. Kisame's huge hands gripped his hips tightly and began slowly forcing him up higher and then slamming him down harder. Itachi let out a low whimper, but that was all that escaped him as Kisame's cock slammed into his prostate.

That was when both the real Kisame and the Kisame that was being written, decided that he wanted to see Itachi; the ever-stoic Uchiha; lose control. He wanted to see him moaning and writhing and screaming his name.

Itachi's world was suddenly tipped upside down as he was pushed onto his back roughly, and Kisame began pounding into his tight hole; slamming into his prostate with every powerful thrust. Red eyes rolled back into his head as he bit his lip in pleasure and pain; such an enormous object filling him so completely. Kisame, his eyes determined, spread Itachi's legs even wider and leaned forward, capturing a nipple between his sharp teeth and ravaging it with his tongue as he gripped the Uchiha's cock in a massive hand and pumping it in time with his thrusts.

Still, Itachi made no sound.

Kisame redoubled his efforts; his thrusts driving into the Uchiha so hard that he was forced back against the mattress. Pale hands gripped at the sheets, feeling that thick, hot member being shoved deep into him and filling him with pleasure. But he would not yield; would not give himself over to ecstasy.

And then he opened his eyes.

He saw Kisame, completely naked; his rippling muscles tense and straining as Itachi's legs were roughly pulled up onto blue shoulders. Bent almost double, Itachi could see Kisame's giant cock disappearing deep into him…and something about the erotic sight, and the defined muscles of his partner's chest…made him snap.

Kisame's hips snapped forward, and Itachi suddenly began moaning, his eyes clenched shut and his body beginning to buck in delight; finally losing control. Chuckling, the blue man increased his force and his speed, enjoying the way that Itachi's eyes glazed over, saliva running from between parted, bruised lips as his body shook from the force with which he was being pounded.

"Nhhn…_Kisame…Fuck…Kisame…_" Itachi moaned loudly, his hands fisting the sheets of the bed and then reaching up to grip the neck of his partner tightly, "_Harder! Is that all you've got? Fuck….Fuck me harder…_HARDER!" Kisame couldn't believe he was hearing such words from his partner's mouth, but immediately complied; loving the cries and hoarse screams that Itachi was now spouting; the curses and obscenities as he gave over to pleasure. He began forcing himself down onto that massive cock even harder; determined to have it reach as far into him as possible. The Uchiha's screams grew in volume and passion as his nail raked hard into Kisame's skin as his partner slammed into him with agonisingly pleasurable force.

All of a sudden, Itachi's lithe frame shuddered and he gave an erotic moan of Kisame's name as he suddenly came; coating their chests with his release; gripping at Kisame desperately and demanding a passionate kiss.

If Kisame had thought Itachi was tight before; as he orgasmed, his walls clamped even tighter and forced the blue man over the edge. He came explosively, deep inside the raven; his release so forceful that it filled Itachi and spilled out of his ass as Kisame rode out his orgasm with several violent thrusts.

He slowly pulled out, watching with satisfaction as his cum trickled out from the raven's thoroughly stretched entrance. Itachi let out a shaking breath and cringed as he slowly began to lower his legs; averting his abashedly; unable to meet his partner's gaze. Kisame chuckled low in his throat.

"…At least…at least these writers aren't ItaSasu fans…" he remarked to try and ease the tension.

" S-Shut up…" Itachi panted, closing his eyes as one of Kisame's huge fingers reached down to gently circle his abused hole apologetically, "Wait…fans…"

* * *

"Hey, Itachi, I'm fucking glad that that _isn't_ a tradition when being inducted into the Akatsuki…" Hidan cackled, slapping Kisame on the back heartily as Kisame gently lowered the practically immobilised Itachi to the ground. Itachi flinched as pain rocketed up his spine, "Also didn't think you'd be the type to be begging Kisame to fuck you harder –"

"…Shut up Hidan…"

" –Itachi, I thought you said they couldn't control what we said?" Kisame remarked with a small chuckle. Hidan promptly spluttered and his eyes widened in astonishment; looking at the smirk on the blue man's face. Deidara burst out into mocking laughter, coming over to sit by Itachi, who was fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Welcome to the ukes club, yeah," the blonde sniggered. Itachi glared at him scathingly.

* * *

_"Sasuke!" _

_Sasuke turned with an irritated glare to find Sakura jogging up beside him. _

_"I've been looking all over for you!" she exclaimed as she drew even with him, "We…We've decided that you need to be warned –" Sasuke snorted a 'tch' and kept on walking, not caring about what it was that she had to say. "Are you going to see Naruto?" _

_"…That's none of your business…" he replied shortly. _

_" –Well, you should know that he's…he's not quite feeling himself…" Sakura mumbled, "It's probably not a good idea for you to see him right now…" _

_"Did I ask for your opinion, Sakura?" Sasuke replied flatly, continuing in his course. _

_" –I know it's your anniversary with him and everything but –" Sakura didn't get the chance to finish, because Sasuke had already bounded into the air and headed off towards Naruto's apartment without another word. She sighed heavily and shrugged. _

_"…Well, I tried…" she muttered to herself, "If Sasuke wants to deal with Naruto while the Nine-Tails is in heat…that's his problem…" _

"Get-Get off, idiot –" Sasuke growled as he was slammed up against the wall by Naruto and lips attached viciously to his neck. He squirmed; his neck very sensitive. He gave a low groan as Naruto pressed a knee to his crotch and began grinding it up against the raven.

"…I can't help it!" Naruto snapped back, viciously tearing through Sasuke's shirt and latching onto a pink nipple with his teeth. Sasuke quivered at his touch and clenched his eyes shut; grinding back down against Naruto's thigh.

Instantly, he was spun around to face the wall, the suddenly aggressive Naruto ripping apart his pants and leaving him standing there, completely naked. Tanned hands ran down Sasuke's hips and gripped them tight as sharp teeth descended to the base of the raven's neck; biting harshly and grinding hips up against his ass. Sasuke gave an aggressive growl, but was powerless to do anything as one of Naruto's fingers ran down the seam of his ass to rest at his entrance.

_"I'm going to be the one on top, this time, Sasuke…" Naruto growled fiercely, pushing his first digit against the tight ring of muscles, "…I'm going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk for a week…" He roughly grabbed Sasuke's chin as he pushed his finger deep into him and kissed him passionately, swallowed Sasuke's soft moan at being penetrated. Sasuke clutched at the blonde's tanned face with a pale hand; eyes falling to half-mast. _

_"…You…are so…fucking sexy…" Naruto hissed, a second finger already joining the first as he began pushing them both deep into the raven; seeking the spot that would drive him wild. _

Sasuke could feel something hard pressed against him from behind as he gritted his teeth at the unpleasant feeling of having something in him. This was _not_ happening. He was _not_ naked, with Naruto's fingers up his ass…He let out a low breath as he felt a burst of pleasure course through his body.

_"…You like that, Sasuke?" Naruto whispered hoarsely as Sasuke moaned into his touch. _

_"…I love you, Naruto…" he whispered quietly. _

_" –I love you too," the blonde replied, viciously devouring his mouth with a harsh kiss. _

* * *

Sasuke had never been more relieved to see that white room. He glowered at Kisame when he saw that his brother was sitting on the floor, looking suitably flushed and in pain.

"…I'm surprised to see Sasuke joining the fucking uke club too…" Hidan chortled. Sasuke glared darkly.

"I'm no uke," he snapped irritably, looking at his brother haughtily; unable to hide a small smirk.

" –Well, I think we can safely say that the writers prefer SasuNaru…." Neji muttered, looking over at Naruto with a shrug, "Sorry; it's the truth."

"Naruto's gonna get fucking _pounded_ by Sasuke," Hidan cackled mockingly, causing the blonde to flush and Sasuke to glare angrily.

"I'm not having_…_not_ doing that _with Sasuke!" Naruto squawked in an embarrassed, undignified tone, fidgeting awkwardly and looking over at Gaara, Itachi and Deidara who were looking at him with what…_sympathy_? He self-consciously backed up against the wall to protect his back…and ass…

"There is _no way_ I am having _sex_ with that idiot," Sasuke growled coldly, a slight blush painting his cheeks, discovering that Hidan was smirking at him.

"…You might not have any fucking say in that, little Uchiha…"

* * *

**(1) Extract from my own "Two Households Alike in Dignity"; main pairing SasuNeji and NaruHina**

**(2) Features in a fic of mine, "The Temp" starring SasuNaru and ShikaNeji**

**Hope you're still keeping up; only a few more chapters to go! Will Itachi figure out what's going on? At least they've figured that the writers (ahem) prefer SasuNaru (chuckle). Review and await the update my dears :D What lies ahead?**

xx K


	8. Chapter 8

**Only one more chapter to go after this one! (Sorry, there won't be any Uchihacest despite a few requests for it). Finally some SasuNaru; sorry for keeping you all in suspense! Review and enjoy :D**

* * *

Neji and Gaara exchanged glances and sighed heavily, looking down at their apparel. Neji was dressed in a classy suit, and Gaara was unfortunate to discover that he was in a long, white _dress_; complete with veil and gloves. They were clasping both hands, and a priest was standing over them with a book held open. On inspection of the room, their family and most of their friends, minus Naruto (who was back in the white room) were sitting in pews. Hinata and Temari were sobbing nearby in their pretty purple dreams.

"…Why do we always get the weird ones?" Neji sighed heavily.

* * *

Kisame stared in horror as Itachi's limp body went flying through the air to land in a crumpled heap in the dirt. Instantly, he broke the neck of the man he was fighting over, and threw a kunai to embed itself deep into the chest of the final man who had been about to advance on the motionless Itachi.

Not bothering to check their bodies, Kisame ran over to his partner and knelt down. Itachi coughed up a mouthful of blood. He ran a hand across the Uchiha's bare forehead; his forehead-protector having fallen off as he flew through the air.

"…Ow…" Itachi grumbled, his voice choked as he spat up a mouthful of blood.

_"…No…Itachi; don't do this to me!" Kisame growled, picking up the small form in his arms and hugging him tight to his chest in horror, " –You…you can't die…" _

_"Ki-Kisame…" Itachi whispered, his skin beginning to grow cold as he laid a hand on the seeping wound to his gut, "…I'm sorry…" _

_" –Why are you apologising?" Kisame murmured, brushing raven bangs from the Uchiha's pale face, "…I'm the one who couldn't save you…" Itachi's eyes blinked sleepily, "…No! Why did this have to happen when…when I…" _

_"I know…" Itachi smiled softly, "…I've always known…" Kisame looked horrified as Itachi pulled him down and placed a single, soft kiss against his forehead, "…I love you too, Kisame…" _

_"…Thank you," the blue man whispered quietly, placing a kiss against his partner's lips and brushing away a tear of blood that trickled from his eyes, "…Itachi…you made me feel so human…so needed…" Itachi chuckled in a low tone and rested his head against his partner's chest, "…I love you so much…" _

"This is so sappy…" Itachi muttered under his breath.

"Oh come on, Itachi, it's romantic," Kisame mocked, and sniggered at his partner's scathing glare, "…That fall looked…uncomfortable…" he chuckled again when Itachi continued to look very unimpressed, "…I'm surprised you could move at all; back in the white room you seemed to be struggling –"

"I'll thank you to refrain from mentioning that –" Itachi snapped, seeing their surroundings begin to blur.

* * *

All of a sudden, the two of them were back in the white room which was distinctly lacking in Hidan and Deidara.

"I have had enough of this…" Itachi grumbled, leaning heavily on the wall for support to try and prevent his back pain from flaring up, "…The people controlling us must be watching us somehow –Neji; use your Byakugan to seek them out –" Immediately, Neji complied, wondering why he hadn't thought of this sooner.

For a long moment he remained silent as he scanned the roof and then each of the walls. As he stared at the screens his eyes widened in horror.

"…Ino?" he exclaimed in confusion, "…What…"

"Ino Yamanaka?" Sasuke scowled darkly.

" –Yamanaka…" Itachi mused, "…The clan that specialises in Mind Jutsus?" He made an annoyed noise, "…Of course. I've heard of a Forbidden Justu of their clan that creates a world from the user's mind and imprisons someone in it –come to think of it; I remember –" His eyes widened in annoyance that he hadn't thought of this… "…When I opened that fanfiction, I saw the word 'seal' –"

"A sealing jutsu?" Naruto exclaimed in shock as they all stared around them in bewilderment.

" –We've been sealed…" Kisame mused.

"Neji; keep looking –this doesn't explain why we keep getting –"

"…I see Temari."

"What?" Gaara inquired darkly.

" –I see your sister," Neji repeated flatly, "…I can see Ino with Sakura…Temari…Tenten…and a blue-haired…"

"Itachi…could that be…" Kisame muttered and Itachi nodded wordlessly.

"…It's possible that Temari has stolen a forbidden puppet-master jutsu from Kankuro," Gaara finally commented and Itachi gritted his teeth as he attempted a step forward. Kisame chuckled; a little bit pleased with himself.

"…One jutsu to trap us…one to control us…" he grumbled.

" –Why would they do that to us?" Naruto exploded, "They're our friends!" Itachi sighed heavily.

"…Well obviously…They're also yaoi fangirls."

* * *

Hidan was not liking that he was apparently standing in the middle of a floodlight-lit street with a microphone in hand, with Deidara looking down at him rather smugly from his room several floors up. There were so many people watching.

_"Caaaaan…anybody…find mee…somebody to love?" the choir took up, and Hidan suddenly produced a microphone, bowing theatrically as he joined in as the lead vocalist. Deidara put a hand to his mouth in astonishment as a keyboard struck._

_"Each morning I get up I die a little_

_Can barely stand on my feet_

_Take a look in the mirror, and cry_

_Lord what're you doing to me…" People from all over the building were crowded around and cheering as Hidan continued to sing –quite well, if Deidara was being honest. He was flushing bright red as the song continued, aided by the choir. It gradually grew in intensity and volume; Hidan struggling on some of the high notes but everyone cheering nonetheless. The blonde watched; enthralled by Hidan's rendition of Queen's 'Somebody to Love'._

"STOP LAUGHING, DEIDARA!" Hidan roared up, only to get a cackle of laughter in return as Deidara appeared to be losing his shit as the choir picked up. "I swear to fucking jashin I will sacrifice the shit out of you –"

"I really wish I knew if you could actually sing, yeah," Deidara sniggered, "…I wonder what you fucking did, yeah…" (1)

* * *

"Sasuke…" Itachi remarked, beckoning to his brother. Sasuke debated about being petty and making his brother attempt to walk across the room to him –but decided against it. Itachi lowered his voice as his little brother approached, "…There's something I want to say about Naruto –"

" –You _will_ keep away from him," Sasuke growled darkly, causing Itachi to chuckle.

"…Foolish little brother," he remarked in amusement, "…I don't know if you'd realised, but your little blonde has no interest in me."

"What are you talking about –"

" –You are always on his mind, in some way," Itachi growled, "…It's not difficult to tell. Even when the three of us were trapped in that study…" They both shuddered a little, "…It was your name he was moaning –not mine…so never fear…I won't be taking him from you –"

" –That's not what I meant!" Sasuke snapped, a slight blush crossing his features as his brother tapped him between the eyes –just before Sasuke's world began to blur and he and Naruto disappeared.

"…That was mean, Itachi…" Kisame reprimanded with a small chuckle, "…Aren't you going to undo this jutsu?"

" –I think it will do Sasuke some good being trapped just a little while longer…" Itachi smirked mischievously, causing his partner to sigh heavily and shake his head incredulously.

"…You sure can be cruel…"

" –This is more of a favour," Itachi shrugged lightly.

"…I don't think either of them will see it that way…"

* * *

This felt natural, Naruto mused to himself as he and Sasuke faced off amid the ruins of a forest. A soft wind was blowing; scattering leaves and debris through the air. They were both staggering to their feet, panting heavily. Their shirts had been torn to shreds, and they were both battered and bruised.

They clashed once more; fists meeting over and over again as they collided. Ducking; kicking; punching; lightning and wind met as they fought. Time and time again they were flung back; skidding in the dirt only to charge back together. Naruto grinned to himself –_this_ was how he and Sasuke communicated. _This_, he could deal with.

And then all of a sudden, rasengan met chidori in a blaze of light and smoke, and they were flung back once again. Sasuke recovered first, lunging forwards and tackling Naruto before he could recover.

The back of Naruto's head connected with the ground and his eyes watered as he found a weight on his abdomen. He opened his eyes and found Sasuke looking down at him, wide-eyed; sharingan activated and fist raised. He was straddling the blonde; pinning him to the ground.

Blue eyes met onyx and they just stared at each other for a long moment.

" –Maybe…" Naruto was about to say, but then Sasuke stooped down and kissed him.

Heat began to pool in Naruto's stomach as he felt Sasuke's lips press hotly against his; a warm tongue prying apart his nervous lips and delving deep into his mouth. Tanned hands fisted raven locks tightly as he pressed his tongue back; trying to dominate the kiss. Sasuke was having none of this, as he grabbed Naruto's face and ground down hard against his crotch.

Naruto felt his hand trailing down Sasuke's pale chest; finding that the raven was left only in his pants; the rest of his clothes torn off during their fight. His hand was shaking as Sasuke's lips began pressing hot kisses down his throat and ghosting over his tanned chest.

"S-Sasuke…" Naruto whispered, quivering under Sasuke's touch as the raven moved backwards down him and dragged Naruto's pants down; leaving him lying completely naked on the ground. Naruto blushed as black eyes trailed down his body and as much as he wanted to, found himself unable to cross his legs or curl up to preserve his modesty.

He felt a finger prod experimentally at his entrance, but apparently the work that he and Itachi had done was sufficient, because Sasuke leaned up again for another demanding kiss; pressing his hips hard against the blonde and eliciting a soft gasp.

"S-Stop…m-making those noises…" Sasuke growled, grinding down hard against Naruto and finding that the blonde was pressing back; trying to increase the friction between their bodies. Almost shyly, Naruto's hand slipped into Sasuke's pants and wrapped around his cock, helping it grow to full hardness. Sasuke stiffened slightly, a pink tinge adorning his cheeks as he subconsciously thrust into the blonde's hand; his eyes falling to half-mast.

Naruto couldn't help but feel a small rush of excitement when he saw the expression on Sasuke's face; his eyes beginning to glaze over slightly. There was something about knowing that something _he_ was doing was causing Sasuke to feel…well…

_Good._

Sasuke ground a little harder against Naruto; their erections pressed together and sending waves of pleasure coursing through their systems. Naruto couldn't cease his breathy pants as he found himself wanting _more_; wanting Sasuke inside him instead of this unbearably good teasing.

It didn't take long before Sasuke removed his pants, and he hovered over the flustered and obviously aroused blonde. For what felt like an incredibly long time, he just lay there; Naruto's legs spread before him, and the tip of his cock just brushing up against the blonde's twitching entrance. Naruto's face was flushed and sweating; Sasuke's hands having pinned his wrists to the ground. He was panting; lips bruised and swollen, and neck and chest scored with hickeys from their previous encounters. His eyes were glazed with something –longing, was it? Maybe trust?

Sasuke just stared in a moment of hesitation. This was the first time Naruto had ever been like this; ever allowed him to…_win_. This was the first time that Naruto had ever been like this with _anyone, _he knew that –hell, the idiot had practically confessed to being a virgin. Memories flashed through his mind; memories of when they had been young; of when he had saved Naruto; when Naruto had saved him; when he had vowed to return him to Konoha…Naruto had always been there –always dogging his footsteps; always fighting him…and here he was now; still so trusting of him.

All he had to do was make a few simple hand signs, and there would be lightning through the blonde's chest –and it would be all over.

He could hear every one of the blonde's heavy breaths, and his eyes trailed down to a tanned, hickey-marred neck. He remembered what it was like kissing him; what it had felt like to have him pressed to intimately against him…His grip tightened as the memory of Itachi touching Naruto sprang to his mind, and without further thought, leaned down and captured Naruto in another kiss, beginning to push his cock inside him.

Naruto's face began to scrunch up in pain as he felt something thick and hot beginning to enter him. It definitely wasn't anything like Itachi or Sasuke's fingers had been…and it was stretching him so much more. His eyes, though lidded, still locked with Sasuke's, and they held their gaze as Sasuke pushed deeper into him; deeper until his cock was fully sheathed inside Naruto. It felt strange, having something so thick and pulsing inside him; and it was a weird, unusual kind of pain…but he found that he didn't mind.

Sasuke panted as he pushed inside that tight heat, desperately wanting to just pull back and slam in again; wanting to feel good for himself…but he knew Naruto –and he had seen the fear hidden behind the trust in those eyes…and just this once…he decided to indulge the blonde –just this once; for the sake of the friendship they had once shared.

Naruto huffed out a few breaths and reached up to drag Sasuke in close as the raven began slowly thrusting into him leisurely; taking things slowly…being…almost _gentle_.

"…What…" Sasuke growled, knowing that there was something on Naruto's mind. Innocent blue eyes bored into him as a tanned hand cupped his cheek and forced Sasuke to face him.

"…I was…scared…" Naruto admitted awkwardly, looking away slightly as he pressed a gentle, almost affectionate kiss against Sasuke's lips. "…I heard what Deidara…and Gaara went through with their…with their fir…doing this…and…I was..." He gave a small gasp as he felt Sasuke drive into him a little deeper; a little more forcefully, and gripped his raven hair tightly.

"…You always did talk too much…" Sasuke muttered, beginning to pick up his pace a little and feeling Naruto jerk and buck beneath him as his prostate was brushed and pleasure began to course through his system; dulling the pain. Naruto gave a low chuckle and widened his legs for the Uchiha to settle between, unable to avoid noticing the smoothness of his pale skin beneath his wandering fingertips, or the tense power in the muscles of his back.

It seemed all-too intimate; their gazes locked and Sasuke slowly thrusting into him. Naruto could feel his every movement; every touch. He kissed him slowly and deeply; moaning in his throat and pressing his tongue up against Sasuke's.

All of a sudden, Sasuke stopped. He pulled back; his eyes wide and with a look that implied that he had something very important to say.

"…What's the matter?" Naruto inquired curiously, "…I…"

"…It's nothing…" Sasuke snapped back, though he had ceased in his movements; the realisation suddenly hitting him that he was _inside_ Naruto; having sex with him. There was a long pause during which the raven peered down to where they were connected and let out a long breath. Then, without another word, he reached up and slammed his lips down on Naruto's, beginning to thrust into him much harder and faster than before.

Naruto gave a deep moan, clutching at the raven's shoulders and hair. Their kisses were more fervent now; more passionate and he slowly began to ascend into euphoria as Sasuke drove deeper into him; filling him with pleasure. A tongue trailed down Naruto's throat, sucking harshly at the skin there; a hand sliding up his chest to harshly rub the nubs of his nipples.

"…S-Sasuke…hnnn….nggghh –" Naruto moaned as Sasuke pushed his legs back further to penetrate him further; his cock driving hard against Naruto's prostate. The raven's eyes were glazed with lust; sweat rolling down his body as he impaled the blonde over and over again; the tight clenching of the blonde's inner walls feeling better than anything Sasuke had ever imagined, "…Faster –that feels…nnhhnnn…you feel so…" Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to shut out Naruto's pleasured moans; finding that he liked the sound of his name said so lustily a little too much. He granted his wish, however, and doubled his pace; feeling Naruto's hips buck beneath him; trying to keep pace.

* * *

"Hey Itachi –the person's stopped fucking writing ages ago, so what the hell are we doing still trapped here?"

"...Just a little longer, Hidan..."

* * *

Finally unable to keep his silence, Sasuke moaned through gritted teeth, feeling his own pleasure beginning to mount. He suddenly tore Naruto's hands from his neck and slammed them to the ground; their fingers entwining tightly as he began pounding even harder than before; skin slapping against skin as he drove even harder into the quivering blonde. Naruto was practically begging now; '_Sasuke…harder –no…please…hnnn…_YES, OH GOD YES…' Hearing him in such ecstasy was so strangely arousing for Sasuke that his only solution was to thrust even deeper –only resulting in Naruto's cries intensifying.

He gripped Naruto's hands tightly; almost possessively; determined to force Naruto to lose all sense of control. He felt tanned legs clamp tightly around his waist; drawing him in even closer as his thrusts grew ever more spasmodic and out of sync as he, himself began to give over to the pleasure; striving desperately for release as Naruto's inner walls began to clench.

Naruto's back arched suddenly as he was forced over the edge by the raven gripping his cock and beginning to pump it in time to his thrusts. He saw white as pleasure flooded through every nerve ending in his body. The blonde released all over their chests and gave a loud cry of Sasuke's name as he reached orgasm; his inner walls clamping down around Sasuke's cock and forcing the raven to his own release with a whisper of Naruto's name.

Naruto's hands clutched tightly at pale shoulders and dragged the raven forwards as he felt Sasuke moan, and something hot spill inside him. Sasuke gave a final thrust, and then fell still; panting heavily.

Their chests were touching; both slick with sweat and Naruto's release. Naruto's face was flushed with pleasure and a touch of embarrassment. He shivered at the feel of Sasuke's skin against his and looked up into his deep onyx eyes before his smile widened into a big grin. Wrenching his hands free, he reached up and grabbed the raven's face with both hands; kissing him and slipping his tongue deep into Sasuke's surprised mouth.

Pale arms wrapped tightly around a tanned back as Sasuke kissed back; their tongues meeting and fighting for dominance; lips fiercely tearing at each other's. Naruto clambered into Sasuke's lap; straddling him as pale hands trailed down his back and gripped his ass tightly; a finger pressing into the blonde's thoroughly abused entrance. Sasuke could feel his own cum leaking from it and couldn't help but feel a surge of possessive satisfaction.

"…Why…why didn't you stop…" Naruto whispered softly; looping his arms gently around the raven's neck after pressing a last, soft kiss against the side of his mouth, "…I…I know the jutsu broke…" Sasuke just glared at him coldly, tracing one of the hickeys on Naruto's neck.

"…Now Itachi cannot have you…" he growled darkly in a voice full of jealousy. Naruto just chuckled slightly; surprised by how comfortable he felt now, being naked in the lap of his equally naked rival.

"…I'm just glad my first time was with…someone…experienced…" he admitted with a brief laugh, "…I know I probably don't compare to all the women you've been with –"

" –This was my first time too."

Naruto's eyes widened in disbelief as he stared at Sasuke. This was Sasuke Uchiha; the guy that every woman flung themselves at –and he had chosen to lose his virginity to _him_; the no-hope _male _loser. He could have stopped when the jutsu broke; he could've pulled back before they went too far…but he hadn't.

Suddenly, their surroundings began to blur, and they could hear the far-off voices of those still imprisoned in the white room.

" –It's about fucking time you got the Yama-what's-her-name…" Hidan was drawling aggressively, "We've been stuck here fucking long enough…" Suddenly knowing that this could be the last time he saw Sasuke in a long time; or the last time they would ever be like this, Naruto leaned forwards; placing his hands on Sasuke's firm chest and kissing him.

Sasuke apparently had the same idea, as he leaned forwards too; arms roughly surrounding the blonde. They had never really been gentle together, and this final kiss was no exception. Lips met roughly; hips ground against each other needily. Naruto disregarded the throbbing of his ass; deciding that it was some small price to pay for having Sasuke so close to him.

"…I _will_ bring you back to Konoha…" he whispered softly, "Sasuke…"

"…Naruto…" Sasuke murmured quietly, pressing a final harsh kiss to his lips. That breathy whisper was the last thing Naruto heard before their surroundings went completely white.

* * *

He panted heavily as his eyes snapped open to find that he was staring at his own floor. Instantly, he tried to scramble to his feet, but a throbbing pain in his lower back prevented him from doing so. With a wince and a cringe of pain, he looked across the room to discover that Gaara was lying propped up against the wall with a similar pained expression crossing his face.

"…Are we back?" Naruto breathed, clutching at his chest and discovering that he was still clothed. He looked up; catching sight of his reflection in the mirror and his mouth falling open.

His throat was completely covered in hickeys. He tore open his shirt and let out a weak 'eep' when he discovered that the rest of the hickeys on his chest and neck were all still there…

"…Gaara…" Gaara and Naruto's heads turned to stare at the other side of the room, where Temari was now standing, looking very nervous and undeniably guilty.

"…I think you have some explaining to do…" Gaara growled at his blushing sister.

* * *

"…KONAN, YOU BETTER FUCKING START EXPLAINING _NOW_!" Hidan roared all of a sudden.

Pein blinked in astonishment at finding that his four missing minions had suddenly reappeared in a flash of white light and all seemed to be in a very bad mood with Konan.

" –What just happened?" he demanded to know, " –Itachi…are you hurt? Kisame –why's Itachi looking like he's about to collapse?"

" –Oh well that's a fucking funny story…" Hidan remarked with a chuckle, only to be shut up by a vicious glare from the Uchiha.

" –Konan; please explain to me why these four seem to want to kill you…"

* * *

Neji appeared in a crumpled heap amid the training fields; right at the feet of Ino and Sakura. Ino had just suddenly collapsed and Sakura had set aside her laptop to see if her friend was all right. She let out a horrified squeal when she realised that Neji was still conscious.

"…Sakura…Ino…Tenten…" he growled, gathering himself up and dusting off his hands, "…I think you had best inform me _what the hell_ is going on…"

"It was Tenten –"

"No! It was totally Ino's idea!"

"…I don't care _whose_ idea it was; I just want an explanation…" he snapped irritably, "…And then I want whatever was done completely erased from existence! I am humiliated and violated…and want no one to _ever_ find out what you made me do…"

"…Well Neji…" Tenten chuckled nervously, "…There's a um…a slight problem with that…"

* * *

"Karin…"

" –Sasuke! I…I can explain!" Karin exclaimed in horror, scuttling backwards into the corner as she faced a _very_ annoyed, malevolent Sasuke; his Sharingan flashing red. "It's really quite a funny story –"

"…I'm not amused."

" –What's the shouting all about?" Suigetsu inquired suddenly, peering in through the door, "…Oh, hey Sasuke; I was just reading this _hilarious_ fanfiction about you where you got sucked into some stupid sealing jutsu by yaoi fangirls and…" His eyes suddenly widened in astonishment as he stared at Sasuke's ruffled, hickey-ridden throat and realisation crossed his face. He looked over at Karin's terrified expression.

"Oh…Oh. Wow. Karin; you are in _big_ trouble…"

* * *

**(1) If you want to see what Hidan did; check out my "Summer Loving" stories that feature our favourites such as SasuNaru, NejiGaa, ShikaTem, KisaIta, and HidaDei. This particular scene features in the first sequel "Summer Nights to Autumn Days: Part One".**

**How are these horrified guys going to react? Has anything changed? What have they realised? Find out in the final chapter! Thanks for so faithfully keeping up!**

**xx K**


	9. Chapter 9

**Welcome to the FINAL chapter of this story! Hope you have enjoyed! Thanks to my wonderful reviewers :) **

* * *

"N-Neji! We can explain!" Sakura squealed, backing away carefully from the livid Hyuuga.

"…Are you telling me that all those stories are posted on the internet…and people think they're real now?" Neji exclaimed hotly; a blush crossing his face.

" –Well, yes…" Sakura admitted in embarrassment, "But it really wasn't all our fault; I mean…we just stumbled across this yaoi forum and started talking about how funny it would be if there was a way to make fanfiction real…and Ino knew about her father's forbidden jutsu…_We're really sorry, Neji!_"

"…And so what if you stole the virginity of the Kazekage?" Tenten remarked casually, Neji's angry gaze turning to face her with deadly intent, "…I mean…it's not like it was _your _first time or…" She suddenly stopped in horror as Neji's eyebrow twitched, "…Oh my god…it was…" Her mouth fell open in horror and guilt. "…Oh my god I made you lose your virginity in a dirty bathroom –"

"_You_ wrote that?" Neji exploded angrily, immediately adopting a fighting stance. Tenten made an 'eep' noise and disappeared behind Sakura and Ino.

"Well…I'm the biggest NejiGaa fangirl of us…" Tenten admitted quietly, "…Sakura and Ino are more into SasuNaru –and Temari prefers SasuNeji but…"

"I have heard _enough_," Neji snapped, "Would you kindly step forwards so I can beat the _crap_ out of you. Normally I would frown upon such things…but you have embarrassed me in front of the world –if my family sees it…"

"No! Neji! Please have mercy!" Tenten squealed, leaping up to avoid his first, vicious attack. Before his fist connected, however, he was blocked by a powerful wall of sand.

It seemed as though the entire training grounds fell silent as Gaara no Sabaku materialised. Neji dipped his head courteously; ignoring the giggles surrounding him.

"…Do not harm them…" Gaara growled in his powerful voice. Neji relaxed slightly, letting his arms dangle at his sides as he surveyed the Kazekage, "We should be grateful that we were able to break free. Do not bother wasting your anger on them."

" –But Gaara..." Neji protested as the redhead walked forwards and gestured for him to walk with him.

"…I have already too much of my life full of anger…so I do not begrudge them for it," he remarked in a low tone, "…Or you, for that matter. I sincerely hope that we can put this behind us and remain…friends…?"

"Of course…" Neji replied, his eyes narrowing in suspicion, "…I had wanted to apologise for…molesting…you…" Gaara actually chuckled at hearing this.

"…After knowing what Deidara and Itachi went through; I feel as though you treated me well enough," he responded with a small smile, laying a companionable hand on the Hyuuga's shoulder, "…And rest assured…those girls will not go unpunished. I have had Kankuro detain Temari for the time being…" Neji gave him a quizzical look, but all the Kazekage replied with was, "…Does Shikamaru read fanfiction?"

* * *

"Konan; an explanation, if you will?" Pein growled, folding his arms as his subordinates scowled angrily at the surprisingly level-headed woman that was sitting innocently at her computer.

"I may have started an online forum seeking jutsus that could make fanfiction into a reality," she replied truthfully, unable to suppress a small giggle, "A few other yaoi fangirls and I set up a sealing jutsu via the internet that would trap those who saw it in a world that we could control as we liked." She giggled again at the furious look on Itachi's face, "…It worked splendidly, I must say."

"You made me a _girl_, yeah?" Deidara exploded.

" –You made me out to be a sappy, romantic _Christmas elf_," Itachi scowled darkly.

"…I kind of can't complain…" Kisame shrugged, ignoring the look that his partner gave him.

"_AM I REALLY SUCH A FUCKING SLEAZEBAG_?" Hidan snarled.

" –To be fair, Itachi can't walk anymore –"

"You made me fucking make out with the Uchiha!"

"_HIDAN FUCKING RAPED ME –whaaat the fuck, Hidan?_" Deidara suddenly cried out as he was unceremoniously dragged up and flung over Hidan's shoulder like a rag doll, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I fucking told you that the next time you said I raped you; I fucking would," Hidan growled aggressively, then addressed the room, "…Don't anyone fucking come near my room for a bit yeah? Gotta have my way with Deidara, here, and I'm gonna make him _scream_ –"

"Hidan, put me _down_!" Deidara snapped as he squirmed, suddenly realising as he was carried from the room that Hidan was serious, "_Itachi! Kisame! _Fucking _help me_! This bastard's going to –"

The room remained in relative silence after the rather abrupt departure of Hidan with a very protesting Deidara. The sound of a rather violent abduction could be heard throughout the hideout for several more minutes –complete with explosions and curses.

"…Is he actually going to rape him?" Pein inquired incredulously.

"…Probably," Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Deidara's gagging for it…" Kisame remarked casually, causing everyone to look at him, "Oh come on, Itachi, back me up here; Deidara loved it." Itachi grudgingly had to agree with him. There was a sudden thud from somewhere upstairs and they all glared at Konan. Pein sighed heavily in exasperation as Itachi tried to take a step but promptly stumbled and cursed.

"…Kisame…Help me storm from the room…" he grumbled.

"…Of course, Itachi…" Kisame chuckled, hooking an arm around the Uchiha and helping him angrily limp off to his room.

"Is it just me or did they just take being manipulated into committing sexual acts together rather well?" Pein inquired flatly. Konan giggled gleefully.

"I suppose this means that Kisame really is hung as I'd imagined…" she admitted cheekily, feeling rather smug at how Itachi seemed rather incapable of walking; presumably from something rather large being shoved up his ass.

"Please tell me you haven't been imagining Kisame naked," Pein growled back at her. She just batted her eyes at him slyly. Kakuzu sighed heavily.

"…I knew it was a good idea to stay away from that fanfiction business…" he remarked flatly, rolling his eyes and beginning to pack up his things as Konan began suspiciously watching her computer.

"…Konan, please tell me you're not still reading that stuff…" Pein commented dryly.

"Some of it's very good," she assured him, "…You should come read some of the stuff the other girls wrote; they're quite talented –"

* * *

A bit later on, Itachi had finally managed to leave his room, though he was gripping the wall quite tightly and moving very slowly. There were high-pitched moans coming from Hidan's room; as well as a fair amount of cursing.

"Itachi!" Tobi suddenly exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere and nearly toppling the Uchiha over, "…I heard Deidara! He sounded in pain! Is Hidan hurting him?"

"…Likely…" Itachi spat, clutching at his lower back as Kisame appeared around the corner; still looking far too pleased with himself. "Kisame; I would thank you to _stop_ grinning like some kind of fool."

" –_I will save you, Deidara!_" Tobi hollered, eager to prove that he was useful, and before anyone could stop him, he had savagely kicked in Hidan's door and promptly let out a terrified wail.

Deidara gave a thoroughly embarrassed cry of pleasure as Hidan slammed even harder into him. Tobi gave another wail, clamping both hands firmly over his face and sprinting off down the hallway shrieking. Kisame chuckled at the sight of seeing the two naked men on Hidan's bed; Deidara on all fours, clutching desperately at his pillow as Hidan savagely drilled into him from behind, gripping lithe hips to slam the blonde back against his cock.

"Oi, fucking shut the door," Hidan growled; his pace unrelenting as he drove Deidara into a quivering frenzy as his thick cock forced into his ass ferally. Kisame just smirked as he pulled the door shut.

" –You…are…a fucking…pervert…yeah…" Deidara managed to pant out, "…Hnnn…Oh fuck yes; _Hidan; yes; fuck me –ohhhh….fuck me…_"

"…Little slut…" Hidan chuckled, roughly biting one of his ears harshly and spreading his ass cheeks wide to penetrate him deeper. Deidara gave another moan and buried his face into the mattress as he came across the sheets; feeling Hidan's cum fill his ass only moments later. He fell forwards limply and managed to roll onto his back; seeing a sweating, naked Hidan hovering over him.

"…That was fucking disgusting…" Hidan grumbled, sitting back on his haunches and running a hand through his slick platinum hair, "…So…we gonna make this a regular thing?"

"_In your fucking dreams_!" Deidara snapped, snatching up his cloak in embarrassment, feeling himself blushing in a rather unmanly fashion as he had to admit that he rather did enjoy having rough sex with Hidan. "…Yeah…"

"…You know, Deidara," Hidan remarked conversationally, as he began cleaning himself up, "…I've figured out why you're always everyone's bitch…apart from the fact that you're a fucking little bitch of course –"

" –And why's that?" Deidara growled back aggressively.

"Don't you have like four mouths?" Hidan inquired, flicking him in the forehead like a small child.

" –You're fucking disgusting! I don't do stuff like _that_ with them!" Deidara squawked.

"…Yeah? Well, you better fucking start…"

"_You are such a fucking asshole_!"

" –Says the guy who just had his asshole thoroughly fucked –"

From the hallway, Itachi sighed heavily.

"…We aren't going to get any sleep around here anymore, are we?" he muttered as he began limping back down the corridor with Kisame's help. "…Deidara isn't what you'd call 'quiet'."

"…I know what'd help you get some sleep…" Kisame remarked conversationally, and Itachi looked at him sideways, wondering if he had spoken with such intentional sexual innuendo. Seeing the glint in Kisame's eye, he had to confirm that _yes_, his partner had just suggested they have sex again –willingly, this time. "…You know; I'm open to it. If ever you feel…" He just shrugged like it was not big deal. "Hidan and Deidara are going to be fucking and all –"

"…Well, it's not like I can do anything else right now…" Itachi remarked, stiffly managing to stalk into his room. Kisame blinked several times as the Uchiha deliberately left his door open. Wait, what? Did Itachi Uchiha just agree to have sex with him again?

"…Are you coming?" came that demanding voice.

…It seemed so…

" –Do _not_ misunderstand me," Itachi growled as Kisame entered the Uchiha's room and shut the door to discover that Itachi was removing his cloak, "I am straight."

"Me too," Kisame shrugged, heading over to his partner and discarding his own cloak en route.

"…This is just a…a boredom thing," Itachi informed him flatly, dragging off his shirt and shivering at Kisame ghosted a huge hand across his abdomen, "A…A sexual release, if you will…"

"…Of course…Itachi…" Kisame whispered huskily, drawing the Uchiha up for a deep kiss; his tongue delving deep into Itachi's mouth and wrestling with the raven's tongue as he gripped the smaller man tightly and dragged him into his lap as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Make this quick…" Itachi growled in his throat as he began rolling his hips up against his partner's, "We have plans, remember." Kisame chuckled deep in his throat and began trailing harsh kisses up Itachi's creamy neck, eliciting a soft shudder from the raven.

"…You're a fine one to be mocking Deidara for being loud…"

"Shut up Kisame."

* * *

There were thumps from upstairs and the roof seemed to shake. Pein looked up from his book irritably.

"…Are you kidding me?" he growled, watching as Tobi cowered in the corner; hands clamped over his ears, "Are Deidara and Hidan at it again?" His question was answered as a shirtless Hidan entered the room with a yawn and a rather smug look on his face.

" –Nah; Deidara's fucking dead to the world," he chuckled, looking arrogantly at his nails rather casually, "Apparently I pounded his ass too hard…managed to get a blowjob out of him though before he passed out…"

" –Do you have to be so crude?" Pein sighed heavily, "Then who's upstairs –"

"Kisame and Itachi –" Konan pointed to the roof.

"Why is everyone suddenly having sex?" he muttered, "…Konan…I think your nose is bleeding…" Konan wiped away the slight trickle of blood from her nose with a rather smug grin.

* * *

"…Am I alive?" Karin suddenly gasped, clutching at her throat and head several times to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Suigetsu was standing there looking completely at a lost as how to explain why Karin was _not_ dead meat right now. Why was Sasuke just leaving the room…like, like nothing had happened?

"…Karin, I think you broke Sasuke…" he remarked flatly, "…What did you chicks _write_ about him?"

"Well; one of them was writing a lemon about Sasuke and this Naruto guy –but someone broke the puppet jutsu before it could finish…" Karin frowned; just as confused.

"…So maybe he doesn't have any reason to be mad?" Suigetsu suggested.

" –Maybe he killed that guy while they were sealed?" Karin exclaimed, "…Come on; one of the girls probably posted something about it; come help me find it –"

"…Why are you dragging me into –" he complained, but she had already grabbed him roughly and was hauling him over to the computer.

Sasuke, meanwhile, couldn't bring himself to raise a hand to Karin just yet. He was standing on the balcony of the room they were staying in, and he was tracing his lips with a finger. He could still feel Naruto's lips on his; still taste ramen. He could still smell Naruto's scent and feel his touch. The idiot had kissed him, and he'd let him; instead of killing Naruto, he'd made love to him.

And for some reason…he was okay with it; like that was how it was meant to be…for now, at least. He could feel a wind blowing, and watched the leaves dance past him.

_I will bring you back to Konoha…Sasuke_.

* * *

Naruto was also standing on his balcony, wondering where Sasuke was, and how he was feeling. Sasuke had chosen him, over all those girls; over anyone –to sleep with. He hadn't been forced into it; he had made the conscious decision to kiss him; to hold him close. He chuckled to himself as he remembered that it hadn't been just his first time –it had been Sasuke's too. No matter what Sasuke said…that was just another bond that he could never break.

One day he _would_ come back to Konoha…and…Naruto hugged himself tightly; remembering the longing, desperate way Sasuke had clutched him as they kissed.

…And when he got back…who knew what could happen then?

* * *

All of a sudden, there were several bright flashes of light from all over Konoha; accompanied by terrified shrieks. Neji attempted to look back over his shoulder to see what was apparently the matter with Ino, but Gaara just chuckled and steered him away.

" –Gaara…what's going on?" the Hyuuga inquired suspiciously.

"…Let's just say that I had some words to Itachi Uchiha," Gaara remarked with a smirk, "Those Sharingan are so handy. Tell me, Neji; have you ever tried writing before?"

* * *

"Oi! Deidara! Get your fucking ass down here and join the fun!" Hidan cackled, "…And you should see the fucking state Itachi's in –" Red eyes glinted at him darkly from out from under messy black bangs. Hidan couldn't take the dishevelled Uchiha seriously, though, and so Itachi turned his angry gaze to Kisame.

"This is your fault…" he growled darkly.

" –If we're going to keep having sex, you are _not_ allowed to complain when I do what you beg me to do," Kisame snorted, rolling his eyes. This just made Hidan guffaw even louder as Deidara entered the room; looking exhausted and sitting down incredibly gingerly.

* * *

Ino's eyes fluttered open and she groaned, heaving herself to her feet and rubbing her poor eyes. What had that flash of light been?

"Ino –Ino," That was Sakura's voice? "Ino; what's going on?" Ino looked up, and found to her absolute horror that she was kneeling in what appeared to be a large white room with several other people; some of who she realised.

"Tenten? Temari; Shikamaru? What are you –" she inquired, and then the breath caught in her throat.

"Konan, where are we?" Pein inquired flatly, "…Why is Kakuzu here? And where did the others go –" He paused in horror.

"Suigetsu!" Karin snapped angrily, pushing the poor man into a nearby wall aggressively, "…Get off me –what…"

The women all froze, staring at each other, while Kakuzu, Pein, Shikamaru and Suigetsu remained completely oblivious; unsure as to what was going on.

"Please tell me this isn't what I think it is…" Temari gasped.

"What is this?" Shikamaru sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes sleepily, "What have you girls got me dragged into?"

"…Oh, this is _not_ going to be good," Sakura cringed; distinctly remembering the link she had just clicked and reading the word 'seal' just before the world turned white.

* * *

Sasuke chuckled to himself, staring at the screen of the computer, for once in his life thanking Itachi. Karin definitely had this coming to her; and she and Suigetsu had been dancing around their unresolved sexual tension for too long. They ALL had some scores to settle.

_Revenge is sweet. _

* * *

All eyes in the white room turned to look up at the main, white wall in front of them. Nothing happened for a moment, but then, as they watched in silence and growing horror, a cursor appeared and began typing.

* * *

**End. Thanks for reading! Much love :D**

**xx K**


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